Benefits of quitting cannabis

please acknowledge that there are other issues in my life which contribute to the reasons why i quit, this writing goes off context of quitting weed, but it could give you some perspective if your in a similar position, or feel things going the way they did for me, i would really feel good if someone read this and it prevented what happened to me happen to you, chances are slim but worth it.

going back 4 years ago i had love at first sight, im still young and inexperienced but thats how it felt. through the start of a lovely relationship i began to lust the mysteries of narcotics, i developed a heavy ketamine habit which has stained my face with internal dead skin marks which i have lost hope in fading, then i felt i had to move onto something which would be less of a big deal on my health, fool that i was i started surrounding myself with weed fiends, a crowd i knew i wouldnt find any depth or interest in, yet i felt i may have some influence on these people to help them make their own lives better, not blowing my trumpet but i am naturally altruistic. this went on for 2 years whilst hiding this from my girlfriend, she knew i 'occaisonally' had a smoke and swore me to stop it as her stepfather is a stoner, and still is god help him, alas, i continued to hide my habit and end up skint most of the time. only until recently my life was pretty much monotonous and i have pretty much summed it up if u have read above.

i always had a doubt in my mind about weed, i had breaks from it, and when i returned to the habit, that doubt would be masked. my relationship with my girlfriend was in result of smoking weed, a myth. my altruistic nature forcedme to put up with a lot of shit from her, and i loved her because of empathy, so many bad things happened to her which i dont feel comfortable to discuss, which prevented me from leaving her, i wanted to leave her because i knew i wasnt into the relationship, little did i know, i was so so so so wrong.

my life through them years was a stressful time, i had a tough stressful job in a large supermarket with awful shifts (early afternoon to late night), a relationship which i permitted to manipulate me, and 2 drug addictions to hide from her.

more recently before our relationship ended, more bad things happened to her and she ended up moving house. i feel that moving setting gave her a new perspective on the true value of my presence, i became increasingly uninterested in her, forgetful and careless. ive lied to her for so long i cant face the guilt, and i love her more than i ever realised now shes gone, but im too shameful to admit the pathetic liar that i am, we ended on good terms and that is the best i think i deserve.

more to the topic, i began to have seriously worrying reactions to weed, they were rare but i cant forget them, there would be times where i would smoke to forget about how ashamed of myself i am, and it would work, but then sometimes i would feel worse, wouldnt sleep and would literally cry till i slept. i had physical reactions too, sometimes i have a deafening tone in my ears, with a hellish dysphoria where i would have to sit down and wait it out, i suspect that the weed i smoked was laced when that happened, as it only happened 3 times.

then my girlfriend and i split. it was only then that i had realised what i had done to myself, i cared so much for her and spent all my time with her, and satisfied any suspicion that i was cheating on her by losing contact with all my female friends, but this also in effect caused me to be so socially reclusive that i had lost all my friends, because i was always with her, and if i was away from her, i was off my head stoned.

there is a girl i have always lusted for, and i feel i could have had a chance with her had i chosen to try with her instead of my ex, she is beautiful, intelligent, mysterious, and successful. i had to cut off being friends with her, as my ex suspected i had feelings for her, like a fool i hid that too. there would be times where i would call this girl and meet up to smoke a joint and catch up, but i would smoke a joint and be fucked off my head, and portray the empty person i am, bore her shitless.

after breaking up with my ex, i began to smoke at least 3 times as much as usual, and buying higher quality skunk. whilst trying to mask the despair of my break up, i began to feel on my really fucking own. id like to emphasise that i was on my really fucking own. the few acquaintances and friends i had left became uninteresting, and i felt nothing from their company. i decided to try to get back in contact with the girl i have always lusted for (see above paragraph)

because of my loneliness im sure i have come across desperate and looking for a new relationship, which i know i am not capable of maintaining so wont even go for that. im persistantly being strung along by her, because i still cling on to the hope that she will one day hear me out. i long to tell her how i feel, but after she has been neglected by me as a friend, i have a feeling this is childish shallow payback.

this sunk my ship to a new low, i began to roll joints at least 2 rizlas long (2 blue slims, an L) this is where my psychosis started. i would squalor in my room and pester the girl i lust for like a stalker, i didnt mean it, i was just so paranoid because i couldnt define truth from fiction, and even though i felt i had a valuable friendship with her, i was(and still am) fobbed off by her, lied to in the most obvious ways, even conspired against. a mutual friend we share let the cat out of the bag. even still, i could be paranoid.

it then got  to the point where i realised what i have become. one of them people u see across the street that u think are so far gone they must have crack & smack problems. im exxagurating but it paints the picture.

6 days ago i smoked my last joint, i chose this to be my last because i realise every time i get the feeling i should quit, i ignore it, and this is the reason i sense that i have become a mong. there will be no end of the road with drugs, its a wild goose chase which replaces reality with riddles, and has distorted my head.

i wouldnt say that i was a happy person before i sank into this hole, but sinking lower has put me in a position where i feel that the way i felt in the past, is simply how life is, and only optimism (or fluoxetine?) can make it come close to the dreams i wish to persue.

after quitting, i feel emotionally better, but i think i am still grieving the loss of my ex, and i am guilty for deluding her that i loved her the way i wanted her to think, i do love her, but in a pitiful form. perhaps i dont know what love is, but i probably would if i didnt smoke weed.

weed has mentally destroyed me, im only 21, i look a lot older, i have drug stains on my nose and face which wont heal, but the good person inside me stays the same, ill always want  to do right by people no matter who they are, or what they do. but have i fucked myself up so much that i cant show this? will i always be ignored in life because of my appearance and poor social skills? its not what i wanted from life, when i was younger, i thought id be living the dream by this age, and laughed at the rough idea of what i have become.

if anyone has actually read this, some kind words would be most appreciated, if u know how i feel, please say something, if you can tell that i am totally headfucked, please say, the truth would be horrible but the closure would be nice.

live well.

Hi Misery gut, let me first say , thankyou for posting and well done for realzing that in the middle of all your problems, lies an addiction which needs fixing.   I myself can completely sympathize with how you're feeling. I have walked the same walk , all too many times.  I am back on the site because today I go away to a detox center for a week - yeah a detox just to stop smoking weed !!! I really can't get past the first couple of days, so I'm hoping this will be the stepping stone I need .... You are doing really well already , and things do and will get easier as the time goes by ------ You will also change who you are as a person, and maybe that mysterious stalked object of your desires will become more obtainable when your true personality gets a fair chance to shine through .

ALl the best .

ThisIsIt at February 13, 2012 at 9:13 AM

Hi Misery gut, let me first say , thankyou for posting and well done for realzing that in the middle of all your problems, lies an addiction which needs fixing.   I myself can completely sympathize with how you're feeling. I have walked the same walk , all too many times.  I am back on the site because today I go away to a detox center for a week - yeah a detox just to stop smoking weed !!! I really can't get past the first couple of days, so I'm hoping this will be the stepping stone I need .... You are doing really well already , and things do and will get easier as the time goes by ------ You will also change who you are as a person, and maybe that mysterious stalked object of your desires will become more obtainable when your true personality gets a fair chance to shine through .

ALl the best .

thanks for replying, surprised someone would read my essay of mental gibberish, and that it makes a bit of sense! today is a week of me going without and it gets easier, a good friend of mine emailed me which really really strengthened my weak will, if u would like to read it to see if it helps u too please dont hesitate to ask, i hope that the detox center treats u well, the fact u can empathise with somebody who is nobody to u shows u deserve that, be strong and keep perspective, and i will too

if quitting weed was accurately put into a thesaurus for the first few days, im sure the first word would be exorcism, but see past that, u already do

best of luck

Hi Misery Guts, thanks for the response... How's your quit going ? 

Ive made some good progess, and I feel like I have things in control this time, I have realised that adding tobacco to my weed is what has turned it into a demon .  I got rid of the tobacco for 4 days , and then realised i could take or leave the weed - Happens , I've left it ,  If I decide to get stoned, Ill be hitting a bong or pipe .   I will keep updating though , and let y'all know of my progress or lack there of , but at the moment, so far so good.... and I am very eager to hear how you're doing yourself.  I would also love to read the supportive mail .

XX

ill inbox u the email cos its private but still, i did 2 weeks abstinance, (abstinence?) but blazed a bit last night and boy oh boy did it punish me today, paranoia and depression flooded straight back to me, taught me a lesson though and one to damn well act upon, tobacco sucks i need to quit that next, ive been drinking a lot socially which is good, confidence has shot through the roof although im still concerned that im letting my mouth run off a little too far in the things i say, mind you though that could be the side effects of the ketamine habit.

i feel a lot more in touch with the world around me and that people arent all unfriendly and lying all the time, paranoia really puts your head in a turtles shell.

after quitting for 2 weeks i feel that my grief for breaking with my girl has increased, but albeit time or being busy trying to look after myself has eased it.

also, i feel that leaving the weed behind still makes me feel a little like a nutcase, but less and less each day, im eager to be more social, and im sure ill make mistakes in learning how to do that, but feck it, will be something to laugh about

although it wont be for me anymore, i have to agree, bongs are the way forward, i used to love that overwhelming high (esp with some nice indica) and sink into the sofa.

bad thoughts bad thoughts!