Benefits of quitting cannabis

Hey Guys,

This is day four, and I just wanted to share some of my thoughts about quitting with you. I'm now 24 years old, started smoking around 15-16. Got into and out of the daily smoking, having started and quit several times for various reasons. I just wanted to catalog the negative effects cannabis has had in my life, as well as some of the not-so-negative ones. I also want to write down my reasons for quitting, and some of the things I hope to accomplish in doing so. I think it will help to get this off my chest.

I started by smoking with my buddies in high school. In my senior year, a new friend from work introduced me to bongs and daily smoking and I was hooked. I did quit at some point during that school year, but when the summer came around I was right back at it. Every day.

I was a bright kid; I didn't have to work too hard in high school to get good grades, and got into a good University. Naturally, I assumed that this would carry over, but I was wrong. Without parental supervision, I went nuts, as I'm sure most addicts do. My life became weed, I became reclusive. I never went to class, and barely put any effort into my studies. I didn't really have money to fund my habit (because all my summer earnings were spent at nightly half-quarter sessions with the boys), but I managed to deceive my parents into paying me an allowance - something that had never happened up to that point. I spent all the money on weed, of course, and it was often gone within a day or two. If I had a bag, I would smoke endlessly until it was gone. I can remember many instances of buying a half-quarter and smoking it all by myself within a couple of hours.

Surprisingly, I actually lasted two years at University while pulling this crap. My marks were not good, and in the second year they did not improve, which led to my getting kicked out. I went home with furious parents and my tail between my legs. Still, I didn't quit smoking pot. I had a variety of wild ideas about what I would do as a career, none of which ever came to fruition. I spent two years basically getting nothing done, working my same old summer job and the odd job here and there in the winter.

In September of that second year away from school, I got busted. I was driving home from work, smoking a joint, and hit a spot check. I tried to deny everything, but you know cops, they just do whatever the hell they want and busted me on a smell (not grounds for anything in Canada). I had a bunch of weed and hash oil in the car with me, which they found AFTER arresting me for no reason. Anyway, this was enough to make me quit for a while, but before I even made my first appearance in court (a month or two later) I was already puffing again.

Once my court case got cleared up (they withdrew the charges :D) I decided that I wanted to go back to school, for real this time. My parents were happy to hear it and very supportive. They always have been, and I appreciate them so much for it. They could have just as easily kicked me out of their house and left me to fend for myself. They even offered to pay my living expenses (tuition and rent) in spite of my having wasted 30 thousand or so at my first attempt. I further decided that I would quit smoking dope before I went back to school, which I did that winter.

I also quit smoking tobacco and started trying to get in shape. Life was going pretty well. I was about twenty or twenty one at the time, but still pretty bad socially. Despite being an agreeable, decent looking guy with no bad habits and in shape, I still had no girlfriend, not a lot of friends, and et cetera. But it didn't bother me. I did my thing, working and saving my money for the school year and taking care of my health and fitness.

I should mention that I started over completely, my reasoning being that my fundamentals were so bad that I couldn't pick up where I left off. I also wanted to study a different subject: computer science. Of course, I wasn't living in residence, as is typical in first year, and so making friends was difficult. I had some old friends in town from last time, and I eventually got back to smoking pot a couple months in. I attribute this to being bored with my new life. This time, I vowed not to let it affect my performance. I'm glad that I could stick to that. I was a stoner, but at the top of my class. On tests and assignments, I literally scored perfect more often than not, all the while spending many hours per day in a stoned haze. My grades were straight 'A's, and still are, with more of them being in the 90-100 range than 80-90. Of this, I am very proud.

I had no intentions of quitting. Things were going well, I had made some friends, although I do not consider them to be very close friends (I have never told them the above stories) and my grades were good. I was doing pretty well, but not so well socially: still no girlfriend. This is a big source of anguish for me. Living alone has its downsides.

This year is my third, and the workload has been very intense. Given my committment to excellence, I have been working very hard essentially non-stop. I was very stressed out by groupwork and being in groups with people who are similar to how I used to be. Then the anxiety started. One day, I had a panic attack while stoned. It wasn't the first time this had happened, and I tried to brush it off and tried again the next day. While it wasn't so severe, I was still very anxious and nervous. I searched for any explanation other than weed, but in the end, I was forced to conclude that things would not get better unless I quit. So I cut myself back to once a day for a few days, but each time, I realized that I would get stoned and wish I hadn't. So I quit. The quarter pound in my fridge hasn't tempted me yet, and my intention is to give it to my friends and turn the money into something more useful and productive.

I feel good, I am happy with my decision and I have not experienced too much difficulty thus far. I still have some goals to accomplish. For one, I want to spend my new found time and money to study for the GREs and MCATs, with the hope of gaining acceptance to professional or graduate school and earning my PhD or MD. My dream is to go to the best school for either, and I truly believe I am capable of doing so. I just hope my past indiscretions do not greatly affect how I am viewed by prospective schools. Socially, I want to develop meaningful relationships with friends that are not centered around substance abuse, and most of all, I want to meet a girl. I know I can do it, but I am nervous about trying to do this. For now, I will focus on staying off the herbals, and trying to get rid of what I have as well as my paraphernalia.

If you made it this far, thanks a lot for reading. I hope it was as helpful to you to read it as it has been to me to write it. It feels really good to get this stuff off my chest, as most of it has never been said. And just remember, in all your battles:

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” ~Thomas Jefferson

I proved this to myself when I went from being a failing student to being a stoner at the top of the class, literally putting everyone else to shame. I plan to prove it to myself again in quitting cannabis, and in accomplishing my social and educational goals.

Thanks for reading (sorry for the essay)

KP

Best of luck! God Speed