Benefits of quitting cannabis

This is probably the hardest thing I have ever typed into my computer but I hope that it will be somehow theraputic for me to put down into words how I am feeling.  I am the luckiest guy in the world , I have been married for 21 years to a wonderful woman who has put up with me  for too long.  I have 2 beautiful daughters who are the greatest kids any man could ask for.  They are 18 & 19 years old and the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I have a great job and am so proud that for the first time in my life I made a 6 figure salary in 2009.  I live in a suburb of Boston in a lovely cottage on a lake.  I have my own dock, a boat and 2 ATV's to play with when the lake is frozen yet I risk it all for a joint.

Over the years I have had several low points that would have made most people quit and the fact that I haven't makes me know in my heart that I am addicted.  The lowest for me being when my youngest daughter found some weed in my oldest daughters room.  When I confronted her as to where she got it she broke down and told me it was mine and she had taken it from my stash in the basement.  That hit me very hard as I felt that I had fallen off the pedistal that my daughters had me on.  The worst thing was telling my youngest daughter where it came from and the look of disappointment on her face, the thought of it makes me want to cry to this day.  Yet still I went back to smoking, first occasionally with friends, then buying some for the weekend, and then right back to wake and bake from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed.

I have been high all day every day for so long now I do not know how many years it has been.  I feel like I skipped over the best part of my life, when I see my daughters all grown up I think to myslef where did the time go, when did they stop being my little girls, how the hell am I turning 48?  I guess I just smoked those yearss away. I could not just enjoy making sandcastles on the beach with my 2 little girls, I had to be stoned for it to be fun.  I had to be stoned for anything to be fun or so my mind told me so.  When I think of all of the time I wasted and the things I would go through to try to get some weed I feel so stupid.  When Ithink of the things I could have bought my wife or kids with the thousands of dollars I have sent up in smoke it makes me mad at myself.

So I have decided that the year 2010 is going to be a year of sobriety for me, I have smoked all my stash, and I do mean all of it including embarassingly scrapping the resin out of my pipe and smoking that yesterday morning.  I really disgust myself when I think about it.  Today is my first day at work that I wasn't baked when I arrived.  I feel like I had nothing to look forward to at lunch since I usually run out of the office and take a few tokes.  I am a web designer and I feel like I have no creatvity whatsoever and the things that interest me when I am high  just have no interest right now.  I hope that with the help of others that have been thorugh this that I can finaly get this monkey off my back

It is day one for me and I am feeling sad, tired and guilty right now knowing that the time I wasted being wasted can never be replaced.  I hope that I can finally feel like the person, the dad, the son, the husband, I once was, I forget who that was.  Thanks for listening, sorry for the long post!

Wasted time, welcome .

Please don't apologise for the length of post , it's what we all need around here.  You have made the decision to quit weed, and It's great to have you on board . I'm sure others will respond in the next few days. I just wanted to say , thankyou for posting, and try to let go of the regret as best you can and use it to move forward.

I'm sure you will make your daughters and wife, prouder of you than you have already.

Check in as often as you need to , and keep us updated . The first few days are the hardest , though from your post it sounds like you've done it before . Hang on in there .  You can do this

Warm wishes and good luck

Cat

Wasted Time -  So glad you are here - you've found the right place.  I hope you've read some of the other journals, because you have much in common with many of us.   And I hope you will check in as often as needed.

Quitting is a challenge - but it's nothing compared to the self-loathing that cannabis addiction seems to precipitate.

When you really start to feel it's a 'monkey on your back' you know it's time to do something about its.  

I am also involved in the creative process and went through a period where nothing interested me after quitting.   It took a few weeks for that to come back - but I can say that I really feel passion again for the work I do - and I have ideas again

that I want to execute.  The advantage is that I now have the clearness of mind and altertness that I THOUGHT I had with cannabis, that helps me translate ideas into results - and the energy to execute them. 

I wish you all the best.   You've doing the right thing.  I hope you can be open and honest with your daughter about your choices.  Let them support you in your quit.  Accountability can be a huge motivator.   

Please keep us posted about how you are.

Well done sir for making the decision in the first place - I think that is the hardest part of all. I know you have probably wanted to quit for most of the time  you have been smoking but actually deciding "today is the day" is a big deal! For me it was always, "one more spliff, I'll quit tomorrow" which kept me smoking for years after I stopped really getting enjoyment out of it. For the last few years, although I have some smoking mates, the vast majority of my stash I smoked alone, leaning out my window so my flat wouldnt smell in case my folks came round. It is quite pathetic how I would duck from the window every time a car that looked like my mums would go past! And the fear that would wash over me whenever I thought of admitting to my family I was still smoking - I would feel physically sick and shaky. Yet despite this I kept on going for years. I quit a few years ago for about 5 months and my parents were so proud of me. I have never had the guts to tell them when I fell back in to the trap. And I've hated myself for that ever since. Deceit is something that does not sit well with me - hence feeling sick at the thought of them finding out.

I dont have children myself so I cannot relate to how it must feel to 'let them down'. I know my folks both dabbled with drugs in their youth - well my dad dabbled well in to adulthood and when I was 18 I thought it was cool. I also thought I could get away with it because neither parent would want to be a hypocrite! But actually I would have respected my folks far more if they had properly confronted my drug use in my teens, and I took their silence for consent (it was blatant I was using) and got in to far worse things (luckily I gave up the other stuff a few years ago but carried on the weed cuz I just couldnt stop). I think you will gain a lot of credit from your kids if you say "Look, I know about drugs. I've been there and this is why you shouldn't do them". Lots of parents lecture their kids and the kids think "what doyou know?" - your daughters can't say that!

I know you must be going through emotional turmoil right now - quitting weed does that. I am only on day 5 myself but this is my third quit this year and I am finding it easier cuz I know what to expect I suppose - and better still I know how good it feels a week or two down the line. So keep it up. No matter how tempted you think you are, if you give in you will hate yourself and that will take away even the illusion of enjoyment. And it is an illusion. There is nothing good about weed. I found it really useful to read through the posts on here and also have a look at Marijuana Anonymous if you havent already - some very inspiring stories on there that I know you will relate to and it really will strengthen your resolve.

I would also recommend you get hold of some 5HTP - it is a supplement you can buy from health food shops and it helps to get your happy hormones back in balance which in turn will help alleviate the insomnia, depression and mood swings that come with withdrawal.

My final tip is this: dont think about quitting for the year. Don't even think about the week. Just focus on an hour or a day at a time. Just don't smoke today. Tomorrow when you get up, you only have to focus on that day, and so on. Before you know it you will have done a week, a month and it will get easier day by day. I've been there before and it really does get easier, so just hang in there! The only reason I went back to smoking was because I thought I had 'cracked it'. I thought "if I can go for 6 wks, I can just smoke one a day, or have the odd night of it with my friends". That too is an illusion - for the addict it is all or nothing! So best just to make it nothing ;-)

Good luck and keep posting. We are all in this together and we can beat this!

Weedless Wench x

Hi All!

Wow, thanks for the support.  I have made it through day 2, although I must say I did have the thought to stop over my neighbors house on my way home.  He's the dude that gets it for me and it is usually my routine to stop over and spark up with him on the way home. .  Poor guy probly figures I dropped dead or something!  I am trying to keep some distance between me and my stoner friends, at least until I can get over the urge.  I thought about getting a bottle of wine so I could have a glass after dinner but I talked myself out of it.  I just want to be me without anything altering my reality.  I have had a wicked headache all day, probably starting to detox.  I will check out the supplements you mentioned.  Your kind words and support mean a lot.

well done *wasted time , You are doing it and you will soon be YOU again .

Keep it up , keep posting  and check in whenever you need to , we are following .

Warm wishes

CAT

Wasted Time, I'm glad to hear you're still going with the quit.  I think it really helped for me to look back and admit to myself how the weed has negatively impacted my life.  It feels like over the years I've had nothing but wasted time!

Although it's good to admit the faults that have gone before, it is also essential to look forward with a positive mind to how life will be without it.  To rebuild and nurture relationships.  To enoy life with a clear head, without having to get stoned to do things.

Apart from a brief slip a few weeks ago (the paranoia, muddled thoughts and anti-social behaviour I experienced gave me a sharp reminded of why I must stay quit) I've been free of it since the start of October last year.  And it hasn't been easy (although many of the problems I have encountered have been tied into other, not so weed related causes) but I have seen plenty of benefits which I think I mention elsewhere.

Keep with it.

PS

One of the things that helped me during quitting was distracting myself by learning some web design and programming.  I would like to get into it as a career.  Can you think of any useful tips that might help?

Wasted Time

It would be really good to hear how you are getting on. I hope you still check in here... it doesnt matter how many times you relapse or whether you are struggling a little or a lot, just let us know how you are!

All the best

Weedless xx

Hi there WT..   Hopefully you'll read this.. If you've started smoking again, don't be hard on yourself.. it's hard to summon up the strength to come back after relapsing, but it's doable, and well worth it.... I'm glad I did, even though I'm going through the same creative block you talk about..

Good luck to you and stay strong.