Benefits of quitting cannabis

Hi everyone.   I'm Pete, and this is my quitting journal.

I'm sorry, this first entry will be rather short, but as my head clears, I'm sure I'll be able to express myself here more fully.

For now though, here I am at the end of my Day 1.  After 18 ish years of smoking, 15 as a chronic smoker (before work, at lunch and then all evening), the truth hit me like a freight train full of sledgehammers.  If i don't quit, I'll be an addict for life.

I've been reading all your journals, and those I've found on other sites, and my story is so similar to others here, it's like I could have written them myself..

To Cat, Grandma, Lee, James, Bob and everyone else, I am already in your debt for the support you have un-knowingly given me so far, and hopefully If I can share my experiences, both of addiction and recovery, I can "pass it forward" to those who haven't yet made the decision to quit.

Hopefully too, this journal will be a reminder to me, as a face the challenges of the next few days, weeks and months, of why I am doing this.

Thank you all for helping me gather the strength to do this, and here's looking forward to looking back on this day as the moment I finally took control of my life and left the weed behind me forever.

So... end of day one for me.  I've smoked a few roll-up cigs, and been in a bit of a funny mood, but so far, so good..

Looking forward to tommorrow, and my Day 2!

Pete

Pete - glad you made the decision to join us - my heart jumped when I saw your name - that's the name of my dealer and I used to just DIE until he would call me back and I'd see "Pete" on my phone:D Just a reminder of the kind of panic

addiction leads brings you!!   It sounds like you've already read some of the posts - a few people have actually quit and moved on! - I'm heading toward 8 weeks and am still not confident enough to go it on my own - I am always learning.

You've made it through the hardest part - making the decision to quit!!  GOOD FOR YOU - have a great day 2 - I'll be checking in often, if you need someone to yell at

Hi grandma!

thank you for the warm welcome :).  Hopefully no yelling in store though. lol.

Well, I didn't manage to sleep. I guess that last hit of hot, sweet tea gave me the caffeine kick I really don't need right now..Doh! (yes, I'm a tea addict too!)

oh well.. I've got a weekend away with a friend to look forward to.. she doesn't smoke and we'll be out walking or lazing in the spa most of the time... a good distraction from smoking..

I also went to a Marijuana Anonymous meeting tonight.  First time at anything like this, and it was great!  A really nice bunch of people, and very supportive.  Particularly in my earlier "recreational" smoking days, I always found smokers to be more interesting people.. I guess they were the natural risk takers, the open minded ones, which is in itself an attraction.  So I guess is shouldn't be such a surprise to find that ex-smokers are all that, but wiser, quicker witted and more alive!

anyway.. I'll have another crack at sleeping now, and will limit myself to liquorice tea after 9pm for a while. (it's great for detox/clearing the chest too.. highly recommended!)

Pete - hope you are away enjoying your weekend - check in when you get back.!

Hi Pete, welcome to the forum! I'm pleased you've found some benefit so far and I look forward to your updates. Congratulations on your decision to quit. I'd be particularly interested to hear more about your experiences at Marijuana Anonymous... should you wish to share them of course.

Howdy

Day five and going strong!!     really not missing it right now, even in the company of other smokers.

the best way I can describe the feeling is with an anology..

Imagine you find yourself 50 miles from home, in a rainstorm, with no transport, money, or way of getting back.. and you really NEED to get back since you know you left the tap on upstairs and you know your house is being damaged....  Walking down the road you come across a car, engine running, doors unlocked, left by the owner who'd popped back into the house to get something..

it would be so easy to just hop in, steal the car and go home.  It crosses your mind "gee, I could spend the next 2 days walking through the rain, or take the car and be there in an hour..

So what do you do?  Of course, you just suck it up, pull up your collar, and keep on walking through the rain.  After all, you're not a thief, and to steal the car would go against your deepest engrained beliefs and values..

That's what it's like for me with weed right now.  It's right there. I could if I wanted to, but something has switched in my brain, and I know it's just not what I want to do..

.......

more to come later on hopefully... gotta go help with supper..

Pete

Pete - thanks for posting!!  I appreciate your comments - and your analogy.  I hit 8 weeks today!! - and some days it really does feel like a very long walk in the rain :D. - But I have no

urge to steal any cars!  Even though I could really use a good umbrella! 

Glad to know that you are still quitting - AND helping with supper! 

The detox phase of quitting took far longer than I expected it to - perhaps 6 weeks.  The only difficult thing now is really reminding myself WHY I quit - and having the journals to refer to really has helped - mine and everyone elses.  I have to remind myself what a handicap it had become in my life - so that I CHOOSE not to go back there.  Because it wouldn't take long before I wanted to quit again, and then I'd be starting all over.  And I said before - just seeing your name is a great reminder for me of the craziness of my life for the last 10 years.  If I had to contemplate even one night without pot waiting for my dealer to call it was enough to make me suicidal.  That's really no exaggeration. 

Please post more when you can.

Grandma

well here's something to inspire you!   Brings a tear to my eye, this one... kinda relevant I think..  I'm not there yet, but you're well on your way..!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlQPnNy6JR0

Ah, Pete - you've found my soft spot!  Music can always make me cry! -  Just what I needed  - something to 'shore me up' and remind me why I'm doing this!!!   I hope that Day 6 is warm and sunny for you!

Hi grandma!  

Day 6 was ok for me.. now day 7!   Some bad night sweats, but otherwise good.  I've been pretty emotional, quite weepy in fact but I'm well on my way...  If anything I'm just a little concerned how easy this is...  mustn't get complacent now!

Music your thing?  Then here's your tune for the day, a warm, bright, sunshiney one!

Enjoy..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HagzTRmUBIE&feature=related

I like your style Pete, you come across as someone who cares about others and you aren't afraid to disclose your emotional sides - something that a lot of men seem to struggle with. The anonymity of the internet helps of course, but that doesn't detract from the point I was trying to make.

Aside from the compliments I must encourage you to avoid a complacent attitude at all costs. One week of abstinence is something to be proud of, but don't rest on your laurels. My personal experience tells me that the trouble doesn't really start until after 2 weeks (though everybody differs slightly, of course). Be prepared and have some kind of plan to deal with the possibility of some pretty unpleasant withdrawal symptoms.

For now though, take pride in your achievement and use the natural high to carry you through another clean week. May it be just as successful as the last.

Best wishes.

Hi Pete

Haven't visited the site for 5 days now and I'm glad i found someone new. I believe it's very pleasant for everyone here to see that we are not alone in this and every new member who is willing to share his experience and open his heart out is just another "kick" for me not to give up on our fight. 

I already mentioned here that my weed experience is a lot shorter then of the others, but i still find myself in everyone's experiences as well. The situation with you on the street, broke and hopeless i understand completely. I, by nature, am a very honest person and could not do a felon o stealing and such because my conscience would eat me apart. But in my smoking days, i was prepared to do anything just to please MYSELF. I would take money from my folks or friends just to get me weed or anything i would need in that moment...because weed killed my personality. I had no fear of anything or anyone. Nor would i make too much of the difference between "doing good" or "doing bad" as long as I was satisfied. 

I'm very proud of myself for trying to quit because it's a hard step to do. And you should be too. That's all that matters in the end. 

Pete - you just can't know what that 'song of the day' means to me!!!!!!!!   Music has always been a HUGE part of my life - and that song came out when I was MUCH younger - I never really paid much attention to it back then - I'm sure I had heard it, but never sang it or memorized the words like I do with most songs - Yet once, on proabaly the worst day of my young life when I was absolutely lower than whale dung on the ocean floor I took a walk across the park - the clouds parted - the sun shone through - and EVERY, EVERY word of that song flowed through my mind - 

I hadn't thought day in a very long time - nor have I heard that song - how beautiful that you chose to share it with me!! - it means as much or more to me now as it did then.

I'm so glad you have joined us and that you are doing well with your quit - Success for any of us is success for all of us!

I could just HUG YOU -:D

Lee and Bob - I'll post to your respective journals!

Happy Day 7 - actually I think you may be at 8 by now? - not where you are.  I'm on the west coast of the U.S. where it's 7:30 on the p.m. on the Thursday the 19th.  Whatever day it is for you - I hope it's a GREAT one.

Grandma

Day 8!

Thank you Lee, for the complement and the caution.  You're a good man yourself..open and caring... classic case of "transferal" lol.  

I was on the road last night and I must admit my brain was starting to play the "maybe just occasionally" game with me.   I didn't succumb thankfully, partly due to not wanting to let you and others here down. Funny how we're often not so respectful of ourselves.. I guess that's low self esteem for you.

I'll watch out for that 2 week mark.  My plan is to quit the cigarettes next week, to continue the "getting clean" buzz... and start working out too.

Bob, thanks for the welcome, and well done on your quit.  I idientify with the "weed killing one's personallty" part.  I'm lucky that I had the chance to mature and discover myself before I started smoking, so I know who I can bee without the weed... my heart bleeds for those who started in their early teens, who only really know their stoned self.  I can't imagine how hard it must be to give up for them..

And Grandma... You're welcome!  I've not decided on today's song yet, but hopefully I'll find something suitable..

Oh and I may just be turning up for that hug one day!  I'm in London, but have a quite a few good friends in the US, including many on the west coast. for many years I've wanted to make a bit of a road trip to visit them all... in fact one of the reasons I haven't so far is because I didn't like the idea of being without weed for any period of time!

Sad really, to think of the limitations we allowed the weed to place on us... all the more reason to be clean!

Day 8 coming to a close for me...weekend tomorrow and I'm going to try and get out on my bike and start the fitness kick..

Talking of which...today's tune of the day.  A beautiful song from 1990, sung by Tevin Campbell, who like many of us has suffered the pain of addiction in more recent years... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTHVFKGgxDU&feature=related

Pete- THANKS - that is a new voice to me! -  funny that I had never heard him before - sounds like the young Michael Jackson.  I went through his Wiki profile and listened to a few other of his 'later' songs. - I love new music!!  Keep 'em coming.  I'll make a special playlist in my itunes from you!

I'm glad things are going well for you what should be early morning of DAY 9.  I know talking to other people who understood this process has made all the difference for me. And that we both started smoking 'later' in our lives is an interesting phenomenon.  You don't expect to have these problems in your later life -though I suspect you are many years younger than I.  Still, I grew up in the 60's - Haight-Ashbury, the Dead, - I lived in New York City during the 'summer of love!' - Woodstock - I grew up singing in clubs and at folk festivals - and I NEVER SMOKED POT!!!!????  HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!!!! - Then it hit me the year I turned 50.....  But I guess it's better than my brother in law who met his herione addiction at 50. 

You are welcome in the Pacific Northwest anytime! - It is a beautiful, magnificent country - full of wildlife, which is something I am always in awe of.  We are on a small farmstead just five miles from the sea and have plenty of room for company.  It's also one of the finest climates in the world for growing pot - biggiest cash crop in this part of the country!! - So much for travelling with out it - now that you don't need it.   I really have appreciated the freedom I've had to travel without the panic.  Reward yourself with a trip over

here - not great weather here now - unless you love storms - then we truly have amazing ones - 90 mile per hour winds last week!! - we have trees down everywhere - and you should see the ocean when it blows like that - it's a majesty hard to describe.  Put it on your calendar.  I love company - and though we have alots of predators here - there are no wolves in this grannys woods!!!  (no pot either:wink:)

Hugs for DAY 9

Grandma

Thank you Grandma.  I could do with that hug right now.

Day 9.

Not so good right now.   Physically, I'm fine. Sleeping OK.. eating, sort of OK.  emotionally.. a bit of a wreck to be honest.

Regret.   that sort of sums things up.  There's so many painful emotions I've been bottling up over the years, and it's all coming flooding back.  Times I pushed away those who loved me. Times I buried the pain..

I'll get through it.   But this merits two songs.. by an artist who most people have never heard of, but speaks to me through his music like no-one else.  

 My favourite songwriter of all time. Most people have never heard of him.  When I first heard him, it was like hearing seeing a colour no-one had ever seen before.. hearing a lost chord no-one had ever played.

Introducing the genius that is Terry Callier.  

.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxwGZOOznE4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AW-gCKPw-l4

and yes, I know this makes three... but I had to share this too..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUy3l5sJrho&feature=related

Enjoy, and have a great sunday..

Pete - I just got back from a very long road trip myself (900 miles in 2 days) - I spend a lot of time driving across these vast planes of the Western United States - and for the past 2 months I've done it sober.  If it weren't for the music in my heart, my mind, and my ipod I would probably just drive off a cliff to break up the boredom!!!!!   Thanks for adding to my library.  I want you to know I do much more than give the tunes you send a cursory listen.  I research the artist - try to figure how they slipped by under my radar, when I try so hard to seek out new music all the time.  Callier has a very interesting bio - and it seems most of his career has been on your side of the pond, though he's from Chicago!!   I loved these - actually the last one spoke to me with the clearest voice - though I loved them all.  I've gone through his discography and will surely explore more.   THANK YOU.

About regret -  IMO the only real mistakes in life are those experiences that we refuse to learn from.  I know that you have learned a great deal from your life experiences and cannabis use was part of that.  Regret only if you don't use your new found understand to help you rebuild broken bridges - and build new ones where necessary.  I know that your choices have led you to a place of empathy and insight that you may not have been able to gain in any other way.   Embrace your past for what it can teach you about yourself and how it can lead you to a greater future - that you might not have been able to realize otherwise.  The best of life is still ahead of you. 

There have been days that I've felt like all of my emotional nerves have come to life with throbbing pain.   It's necessary to learn - or relearn coping skills that we have abandoned because cannabis made it easy to numb ourselves to that pain.   Some days I feel like I've run a marathon. . . but even though I may have come in dead last, there is a great feeling of satisfaction that at least I am in the race!! - not watching it from the sidelines, as I've done for years.  

That cyber hug I send you is filled with all my best wishes and positive energies that you will rise to your best self and bring those gifts to the universe that are yours alone.  That you are an EX-addict is now part of your personae - and a part that can be of great value to you. 

KEEP YOUR HEART RIGHT!!! -

BIG HUG -

Grandma

Okay - you've got me thinking about my own favorite poet/performers.  Leonard Cohen of course is always way up there - but Dan Fogelberg has also been a huge part of my soundtrack.   And this one speaks to what I was trying to say in my earlier post.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_AwPro8mJ0 ;

Just thought it was about time I returned the favour :D.  This song IS a warm hug!!!

Grandma