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I've decided to post here seen as grandma wrote this on her day 20 , and I'm on day 20 now, so rather than starting a new thread .....
My benefits so far have been .....
- More rational
- Better appetite for better food
- deeper cleaner sleep
- Sleeping 8 hours a day instead of 12 and feeling better after waking from 8 and more awake , than I ever did waking from 12 as a stoner
- I smell good ! I've quit both nicotine and cannabis, and I smell so sweet ! Not only do I not stink of stale cannabis smoke , I also take more care of myself, so I always smell fresh and with sweet smelling hair instead of stale weed hair ! It really used to cling to my hair something rotton .
- I drive better , safer and more at ease, knowing that I won't hurt or kill anyone , and knowing that if I do , I will know if it was my fault or not, and won't have a cannabis fogged brain , making me automatically guilty . As I said above, more rational .
- Loving my family, friends and those around me as I should - Nuff' said
- Feeling good about myself when I catch my relfection . Back in stoner days , I would avoid catching my reflection and on the odd time I did, I would see a worn out empty face looking back at me , which would only further fuel feelings of guilt and misery .
- A deeper sense of spirituality , and more at one with nature and the outside . After years of abusing cannabis, I found I was no happier in any place better than my own home . The comfort of my own tip was all I needed . Now the tip is no longer a tip , as I have the desire to keep my home clean again , yet I still don't want to be in it 24/7 the way I wanted when I was smoking cannabis. I have re gained my love for the outside, and feel a sense of peace while out walking in the countryside. a sense of peace which I could never so much as come close to while abusing cannabis .
- Not having to panic about weed supply running out
- Not having to limit my friends and people I associate with to those who smoke weed , not finding anyone who doesn't smoke weed boring.
- Having energy to do the simple things in life that I would so often overlook ,like brushing my teeth , walking the dogs, washing the car, changing the oil , painting my kitchen , while smoking weed, it's almost like I lost touch of my human side altogether .
- Since day one I am in a better position with my temper, it was terribly hard to control at first , probably one of the hardest aspects, because as I lashed out at the people closest to me, the guilt would fuel the anger further, and cause me to lash out again , the vicious circle would continue until I wore myself out and upset everyone around me . It was almost like, If I didn't make them feel as bad as I possibly could, then I hadn't finished ! If I succeeded and they walked away in misery , I had won , and would repay myself for my victory , by crying my eyes out with guilt, if however I didn't win , the the said people walked away , claiming I needed to sort my life/head/addiction out, then I would continue at them , trying to tear them to pieces until I had or they left. Now - although I am not as laid back as I was when smoking weed ( Ie too laid back to the point of not giving a shit about anything ) I am however much more in conrol of my anger , than I was 20 days ago when I first quit . I am more rational , and when I feel myself getting angry at something, I am finding the ability to calm myself down , and ask myself if it's really wortjh getting angry about . In the early stages, this went hand in hand with hot head, hands, feet etc , it made it very very hard to control ! I am just lucky that those who love me have stuck by me, for that I'm both sorry and thankful !
- A clearer mind and more motivation - These days I don't just sit and dream about ideas, and what I'll get round to doing one day , If there's something I think of that seems a goiod idea, I plan it right away and do it. cannabis gave me the ability to dream up such wonderful ideas and dreams of what could be , but what good is that if at the same time it stops you from ever being able to do them !
- Talking to my friends, neighbours, town folks- I no longer feel like 'the weird one ' , as I talk to them , I feel free and just me , I feel should they think I'm weird, then that's their own fault, and I have no reason to care . When I was a chronic smoker, i used to worry a lot, about what people thought about me , and the irony is , there was a whole lot worse to think about me !
- Appearance- My phyisical appearance is improving so much , My parents have noticed, my friends have noticed, people who never knew I had a problem , and never knew I stopped smoking have noticed . The dark circles under my eyes have vanished, my skin is more vibrant, my eyes are more awake, without that half dead look to them , my teeth are whiter , my finger nails are perfectly manicured , my hair is styled and well kept , I am almost a different person ! Or at least I am me again , and while smoking cannabis , I was no one !
- I walk up town these days and I feel great , I look around and take in what's going on , I look at people and imagine what their lives are like back home, i watch kids playing and I smile - this is a complete contrast to the addict in me, who would walk through town only on the very very odd occasion and only if it was absolutely needed, I would keep my head down , and try not to catch eye contact with anyone, if i did , i would hurry on quickly after looking away , If I saw kids playing, I would hope to dear god they didn't bother speaking to me , for fear of what they might come out with regarding my looks, or clothes, or some other infantile comment which I just knew I wouldn't be able to handle in front of 'the rest of the world watching ' ... This was my view then ! Ridiculous I know, but best I note this down now before it leaves me forever ( which I'm hoping it will )
- Not being scared of the police/authority figures
- Not feeling like a loser
- Keeping up to date with current affairs, and not residing in my own beljar with no idea as to what's happening on the outside world . Breaking news would come through , and I would only hear about it 2 weeks later !!!!!!
- Overall a happier, smarter, better looking and more confident person !
Im more than sure there's many more reasons to add here that I've missed, but maybe those benefits aren't prominent enough yet to stick in my mind, but I will post again in a couple of weeks, if I have new ones to offer.
Until then , stay strong
CAT x
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