Benefits of quitting cannabis

Hi all,

I won,t go into too much detail at the moment about my problems with cannabis, as im very emotional.  But i have signed up to this forum for help with my long term addiction to the weed. And i really hope it helps.

I have been smoking weed for a very long time now (25 years), almost every day. The last time i tried to quit was about 4 years ago, this was because i was extremeley anxious about my partners health problems. I did manage to go without for 3 months and during that period i did manage to gain some control of my life back, but obv.. i relapsed during a moment of weakness.  Since then I have smoked constantly (mainly high grade).

I have not smoked for 3 days, this only because I havent been able to source any from my contacts.  This is a blessing in disguise, as the fog is starting to clear slightly, im starting to see all the damage that smoking weed constantly, has done to my life. And im starting to like being clear headed again even though I feel like a complete emotional mess.

Im determined not to phone any of my contacts, but if they phoned me saying there is something about, I really dont know If could resist the temptation.

I hope joining this forum is the first step to positively trying to give up, instead of a half hearted attempt to give up because i cant score any.

Lee T, this will be confusing , as I believe there is another LEE posting on the site .

Lee,  I can relate to how you feel, and to the fact you've been forced into a quit. You should realllllllly make the most of this opportunity , by changing your mind frame to quit' rather than forced into quitting . Make the most of the fact you have these few days clean forced upon you and really go for it , You can do it , others on here have , read grandmas story , and Lee's in fact .

I do wish I could say the same, you are doing better than me, though my intentions are there. I am 1 day in , it's n early midnight, so I've almost done a full day clean , it's hard, I've been crying, but I'm going to do it this time . My mind is going crazy with thoughts everywhere, Im not even going to bother starting my own thread with day one in , cos there's no point if im not getting past day one, so instead tomorrow i shall start a day 2 thread .

I'm here with you Lee, and I too am an emotional wreck at the moment, I can't get my thoughts let alone emotions in order .

I just know, I have to hang on til morning, and things shoudl be better .

Where do you live Lee?

CAT

Thanks for the reply CAT.

I will read the storys you mentioned. And probably everybody elses aswell. Its going to be a long night I think.

In fact, the more I read how weed has screwed peoples lives up, the more I feel that I should give it a positive try to give up.

Also the more the fog clears the more I feel oblidged to give up. For myself and my children.

But the cravings are really intence at the moment.

I do feel for you, as your on the first day without.  But you sound very positive in your intentions to give up.  If you stay strong on this mission, I will.

I also feel very tearfull and have to fight to hold back the crying especially at work the last couple of days.  These strong emotional feelings seem to be getting worse as the days go by. They seem to swing from tearfullness to extreme anger.  Maybe its best to let it all out?

Just to let you know wherever you are Im there with you aswell.

I live in Ladbroke Grove (Notting Hill).  Where are you at?

By the way if it gets too confusing I will change myscreen name, if i can.

I look forward to seeing your first post tomorrow, as I feel I have a friend to help me in this struggle.

Thanks once again for the words of encouragement.

Lee.T

Hey Lee.... I'm in England here ... and the time is 4 mins to midnight .

What time do you have there approx ?  I also have a lonnnng night ahead of me , as I spent most the day in bed feeling sick and wanting to smoke ! so much for not physicallly dependable qualities to cannabis huh!

I am hoping that I can stay strong for the next few weeks, There has been so many attempts, obviously all have failed, they leave me feeling weak and useless.

I need to find some self esteem in this quit, and the only way I can do that this time is if I stick to it . I keep giving myself little bargains , like ... if you keep through til the morning, you can buy a joints worth , or , if you work towards that extra commision for work , you can reward yourself with a smoke. To be honest I don't have a clue why I'm telling myself these insanities. as James on these boards said the other day ... cannabis isn't helping anything, it isnt even blocking out my problems anymore, it shouldnt be hard to give up , because it's not something I should long for , but something I should hate.

I guess as with all addictions, it's a love hate relationship .

Well this one has just turned into a hate hate hate hate relationship , so this time , I will do this .

CAT x

Hi Cat

Im in England also (London), 12.45 at the moment.

Im sure you can get past this early phase. Mentally you seem very determined to give up. Thats a very positive sign. I wish I think like that at the moment.

But i know what you mean about feeling sick (*nausea). 

I am getting these feelings in waves every half hour or so also feeling hot and sweaty. I also think there is a physical dependancy with it.

I have been intending giving up for years and was very proud of myself when I did 4 years ago, although only for 3 months. I felt disgusted with myself when I gave in.  The last couple of years I have been intending to give up, but it was always when this next batch finished, then the next batch, then the next batch, etc...  When it gets to the last few days worth I seem to panick, the thought of spending 1 day without it would frighten me.

From what you said you seem to use it like me. i.e. self medication.  Because it seems to do a very good job of taking emotional pain away. 

Im very impressed with your dedication to give up, with that kind of approach im sure you will succeed.  Im praying you do, maybe you can drag me along with you.

I know you will do this.

Peace & Love

Lee.T

Hi Lee T,

Nice to have you onboard.  I hope you and Cat both made it through the night.

One thing I found to be crucial to maintaining a commitment to quitting is to be absolutely clear about why I wanted to quit, if you've taken a look at my quit journal you've seen that I've been as extensive, honest and comprehensive as I can in recognising the extent of the problem.

Clarifying things in this way will give you something to read to remind yourself when you're feeling weak, to strengthen your resolve and provide solid evidence to challenge any delusions that weed is in anyway good.

If you can do this, you might actually be able to make a firm decision for yourself to quit, and not be forced into by circumstance.  It really does have to be an honest, genuine desire to be free of it, or you'll probably either make life very difficult for yourself, or it simply won't stick.

IF NOTHING ELSE PLEASE READ THIS:

Lee T, you say in your post that weed "seems to do a very good job of taking emotional pain away".  I would argue, and this is sooo true in my case, that this is an illusion.

Getting stoned 'seems' to take emotional pain away because cannabis makes you so screwed up in the rest of your life when you're not stoned, that getting stoned inevitably comes to appear to be a relief from it.  When in actual fact it is getting stoned that causes the emotional pain that causes you to believe that you need to smoke in order to relieve it, when this supposed 'relief' that you get from being stoned then causes further emotional pain when you are sober....

etc, etc, and on and on, I find this hard to put into words and I really hope this is clear. 

This can end up being an endless cycle.  I can now see how this worked when I was working one of the crappiest jobs you can imagine (and barely holding that down...).  The job was so bad that I would smoke in the evening to relieve my bad feelings, that would just make my next day at work even harder to put up with and increase the likelihood that I would again spend the entire evening after work getting stoned.

So my excessively laboured and over emphasised point is that at least in my case, cannabis does not bring advantages, all it does is cause so many disadvantages in the rest of my life that it appears to bring me advantages.

I found this truth very useful.  Maybe it might also be useful for others out there.

I almost forgot - For me, the powerful point has been not to regard quitting cannabis as some kind of painful sacrifice, to describe something as a 'sacrifice' implies that it is something good, the loss of which must be mourned.

Cannabis isn't good, the loss of it should not be mourned, it should be celebrated.  This is no different from celebrating recovery from an operation to have an infected appendix removed.  You wouldn't feel like you've made some kind of sacrifice at the loss of the appendix, you would feel relieved at the removal of something which would have eventually killed you.

Hi James

Thanks for the post.  I have read it carefully and I understand what you are trying to say regarding the vicious never ending cycle. 

Deep down i know everytime I smoke i am just putting off my problems untill the next day, when they would come back with a little interest. which I continually do. After doing this daily for years, the problems do become quite huge.

I split with my long term partner (20 years), my wife you could say.  This happened 3months ago,  And have recently started to smoke at work every day, in a jod that I could easily give me a drugs test.  I dont want to end up losing absulutely everything.

I wiil read your journal, and hopefully take some strength and solace from it.

Ty

James , Thankyou , It was your words the other day that kept me hanging in , I desperately wanted to smoke last night and cast my mind back to what  you said , how cannabis will do nothing to help , it won't even properly numb the pain . You were right, and I'm 100% of this fact as it's been almost a decade . So I everytime I want to smoke, I tell myself just that . I ask myself if it really was going to help , would I have spent the last decade of my life trying to give it up  , would I feel so guilty and disgusted everytime I cave in and light a smoke, and then sit there amongst the same problems not feeling any better about them , maybe slightly less anxious , but the point is, the problems remain the same, nothing changes, and the big fat irony is , a lot of the problems, social isolation, no money, weight gain , guilt trips , all come down to smoking cannabis . I know I can't go back , I also know that one little recreational smoke will see me back to every day cannabis smoking long term . This is what happens, in the past I've managed to quit several months like LeeT said , but I always seem to end up back here and repulsed in my own actions . 

Lee T ,  Have you got on the wagon with me ? I forget if you've already started your quit , or about to , if not , then why not join me , I'm still in the early stages , and would love to suppot you on your journey.

Very sorry to hear about your relationship break down , This must have been most painful , and you're in my thoughts and prayers, but don't forget what James keeps  saying, it's not without reason , when he reminds us that smoking cannabis won't help any of these problems for us , not even remotely, if anything they multiply existing problems .  I'm not sure it's such a good thing to blot out problems with cannabis in the way I have been doing, because they were all there waiting to re surface upon quit . Hence I spent most of yesterday In tears.

I will hang in there, and I will keep posting .

CAT X

Lee T. - hope you are having a good day - listening to people like James is, I believe, the reason that I've been able to get through this.  Those of us who have suffered what you are going through REALLY want success for you.   Keep checking in - keep posting.  I can't tell you how many times I have tried to quit over the past several years.   I was really at

the point where I didn't think it was possible, until I came here.

I'm on Day 20 (WOOT WOOT)  and feel stronger physically and mentally every day.   The 'urge' sneaks up on me every once in a while now - but I'm learning to dismiss it quickly before it turns into that anxious "need".  

I had problems with nausea as well - but only for the first two or three days.  The physical symptoms were pretty much gone after the first week.    It will get easier - hang in there - you've quit before - you can do  it this time FOR GOOD - we all can.

Keep posting - keep quitting - all my best wishes and prayers are with you. 

Grandma

Damn, its been a bad day.

As my body is getting cleaner my mood swings are getting really wild.  I seem to swing from positve to very sad/depressed to very angry, in no particular order.

The positive i can take. The angry i like because it makes me pro active and do things that I have neglected for years.  But the depressed feeling, I have not felt this low in a long time it reminds me of a grieving feeling.  Maybe i'm grieving for the life and  opportunities that have past me by. 

The good news is that im still clean and still determined to give up. And I think the cravings are starting to subside.

Time to go to bed for a bit I think.

hi lee,

well done 6days!!

i can really relate to what your saying.

.although im only day 3...

i will be following your post as well..

thankyou for your message..

stay strong..

lou..xx

Lee T.   - so sorry that  yesterday was so hard - I'm never quite sure if I'm on the same day as the rest of you because I'm in the western U.S.   - so on your time you should be early morning of Day 7 - I hope it goes well for you.  Take a deep breath and keep going.  I still have an occasional night sweat - but the angry, crazy, nervous stuff is gone.  

All my best wishes for a calm day.

Grandma

Lee t , I'm very happy to hear that this is now a real 100% determined quit for good, and not something that's happened as a result of not being able to get any . Your mindset about this seems to have changed a lot, and this can only be positive . I have no doubt now that You can do this .

The depressed feelings will go and a new life waits for us at the other side . 

We are all thinking of you Lee T .

CAT x

Hi Lee T,

I hope it's still going well with you, stick it out.  I have seen elsewhere on this board, and on other sites, that the severe problems from withdrawal seem to fade quite quickly.  If you can just promise to stick it out, you'll start feeling better soon and it'll get much easier.

Don't go thinking back to the opportunities you've lost.  That's been one of my major mistakes, it makes me feel sad, angry and sometimes hopeless that the future can be any different.

So I'm really trying my best to always look forward, to know that since I'm no longer smoking, I can actually hope that in the future things can change.  The worse thing we do to ourselves it to repeat the same mistake over and over.  God knows I've done that for years.

Hello lee T,

Thank you so much for all the support on my journal,

Great that you are now on day 7!

I hope your staying strong well done.

Hope you have had A good day.

lou x

HI

Cat, Granma, James, lou and everyone one else on this site, I would sincerly like to thank you once again from the bottom of my heart for your help and support.

One of my dealers actually phoned today, and to my suprise the first thought in my head is I DON,T need it anymore.  When I phoned him back I told him I was quitting, without any hesitation.  I feel proud of myself for this very small step. I have not felt proud about  myself for years, it feels really good.  I,m more determined than ever now to see this out.

Today it felt like my art of coversation is getting much better, im able to repond to other peoples conversation straight away, i'm becoming much more articulate  and funny  (especially with the opposite sex).  It makes me feel better anyway.  The old Lee is starting to re-surface.

The only negative side is im still finding it impossible to sleep, and  for the second time i had no sleep whatsoever last night, apart from two and a half hours after I posted yesterday. (5.30pm to 8pm).  I wanted to view and respond to

some of my fellow quitters journals but was just too tired and depressed to do so.  I will tonight before I crash out.

the fight continues

Best Wishes to you all.

Lee.T

Hi Lee T,

I think saying no to a dealer, and then actually calling him back to say you've quit is no small step!  Well done!  The sleep thing really can be terrible, but no doubt it will settle down in time.

Keep going.

hi lee T,

I just cant express enough..

of how happy i was to read your post today...

you sound so postive...thats great!!!

well done!!!

lee thanks for all your support

seem to be having issues with sleeping aswell..

with you all the way...

lou x

Lee T. - just checking in on you today - as you can see, I've been very busy today trying to catch up with everyone and worrying that there's something I've missed.   I'm trying so hard to read and keep up with everyone, as we all seem to share bits of ourselves through other peoples journals.  I'm glad the subject of what this is doing to the children in our lives has come up.   It's my desire to keep them from this danger - and to simply be more 'present' in their lives now and in the future that really motivated me to quit in the first place.  I did day one over and over and over again for at least the past two years after realizing that most of the younger children in my life had never known any other 'me'.  My oldest grandchild is 13 and I've smoked pretty much non-stop for 10 years.   Life is hard enough - and I know how handicapped I have felt by adults who never seemed to be there for me when I needed them most (some things are hard to get over - even for an old woman).  I wanted my children and grandchildren to be able to look to me as a source of comfort, strength and reason.  That is NOT who I've been for the past 10 years.  Though I've used all the mental trick to justify and convince myself I was a better person with Cannabis.  I've come to believe that we can

never be our better selves when any substance has taken control of us. And there is no stigma here that this is an 'addiction'.   You and I know it is just that.

PLEASE HANG ON.  I'm at 24 days today and would love to tell you my life has become perfect.  Still having some difficulty with sleep - but over all it is nothing compared to the days and days of guilt and self loathing - not to mention the waste of money and time. 

All my best wishes are with you -

Grandma