Benefits of quitting cannabis

I had promised to post every day - but my daughter had a medical crisis (she is

slowly losing her fight against heart disease) and I have spent the last few days

in Arizona at her bedside.   For this first time in 10 years I packed my bags, rushed

to the airport and got through security without panic and paranoia because there was NOTHING hidden in my luggage (I've taken amazingly stupid risks in the past and only dumb luck has kept me from disaster).   I have yet to catch up on all that is going on with all of you, but wanted you to know that I hadn't disappeared and hadn't relapsed.  You have all become very important to me - and your success is a huge priority for me.  

If I can do this, YOU CAN.   I guess for me I just had to finally get SO sick and tired of quitting and failing that I had only two choices - #1 QUIT or #2 give up on myself and smoke till I died.   I went with #1 - Day 18 today and I feel SO FREE.  Still a little trouble sleeping but that has more to do with present stress than withdrawl.

My best to all of you - I will go back and read through all the posts I have missed and try and catch up with each of you personally.  

LOVE, Cyber-hugs and all my best wishes are with each of you.  Keep on quitting - wherever you are in that process.   It can be done.

GO GRANDMA!!!

XxX

well done grandma !

BIG WELL DONE !

Sorry to hear about your daughter , you are both in my thoughts.

X

I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter's health problems.

I am so impressed that even under such stressful circumstances you've still managed to get to Day 18, it shows an amazing level of determination, self-control and a commitment to quit.

Congratulations.

Grandma , well done , I check on your progress every day , and see if you have updated us . I believe you are a big reason behind my motivation during today , By this evening I was ready to throw the towel in , but then I saw your post , and realised how well you are doing, not just this , but to see how positive you are coping with the quit, not to mention under the circumstances.

Much love to you and your girl child ,  sending you warm wishes and the emotional energy you need to get through this difficult time .

I started my quit for the final time today , It's 32 mins til midnight, and i'll have done my first day , but today IM not posting a quit journal until 2 days in , cos Im getting sick of getting no where .

:-)  Good luck grandma, let us know how things progress.

Praying for you and your girl .

CAT X

I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!!!!! 

Cat - you CAN do this.   The first 3 days are definately the hardest.  Clean the house, remove your options or you WILL fall back on them.  If you were in the U.S. I would kidnap you and bring you to my farm in the woods - and if that's ever an option any of you need, I'm here.  (or will be as soon as I can get back home).  Things are going better here - but being with my daughter reminds me how important it is to take care of my lungs.  She has to be on oxygen full time and it is so limiting.   Do it for your physical health as well as your mental health.   I have said before that I felt like the blind leading the blind when talking to everyone here.  But every day I am seeing clearer and feeling stronger. 

KEEP ON QUITTING!

Hi Grandma , Great to hear from you , How's things there with your daughter , are you coping emotionally without smoking green ? I know that sounds like a cold q, but I'm genuinely interested , as only 2 days in , and I'm having trouble dealing with my emotions as it is .

I#m proud of myself to have ended up here, though it's only day 2 , it's something, it's past the first day and night, in fact it's actually 7pm on day 2, so nearly into day 3 really .

I'm making my own quitting thread again though , now that I'm sure I'll stick at it .

Keep posting Gran , and please don't kidnap me , sweet though the offer was, someone has to feed my dogs ( cats rabbits, guinea pigs, and hamster ! )

Unless you kidnap them too :-) then we can all live happily and weed free at grandmas house.

Good luck grandma.

XXX CAT

Hi Granma

Thank you for your words of support on my journal.

Im very pleased to hear that your daughters doing better and

I pray that continues.

I have been following yours, James and Cats posts. Mainly Cats as we started quitting around the same time. All of which have been a great source of support to me. 

I know it will be a long process getting straight again and I  will continue to follow the posts on this site. 

Its day 5 for me and am starting to feel  positive about my future again.

Love and Best Wishes

Lee.T

Day 22 and out of the blue I had a sweaty, sleepless night with the most wicked vivid dream.  I really thought I was awake and watching it on tv - but there no commercials and it just wouldn't end!!   Maybe it was something I ate!!!!   Actually, that is the only explanation that really makes sense.  Perhaps something I ate yesterday triggered a release of toxins.  Cat and I were discussing how long it takes to test clean - and she said she still had it in her system after 3 months.   I guess that tells me something about just how much the stuff can build up in your system over time. 

Thanks to all of you for your kind wishes for my daughter - as I said before, watching her on 24/7 oxygen for the past year has been one of my great motivators to quit, as well.  I've been taking something for granted that is so difficult for her - being able to breath.  I also lost a very good friend to lung cancer this summer who had never smoked anything ever!!

Even a bad night is better than the quit and fail cycle of the past few years and my determination is still strong.  I have some concerns  about going back home to Oregon, where it is so readily available and legal.   But I have another week here in Phoenix to keep my mind and body clear and have every intention of staying this way. 

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP AND ENCOURAGEMENT  - Keep posting - I know there are a lot more people looking at this site than posting.  Your insights and experiences may be helping them as well.

Hugs to you all!

Grandma

hi grandma,

thank you so much for your support on my jounal, I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter.

By reading everybodys experiences I feel truly motivated to beat this. Fantastic to here your on day 22! well done keep strong.

lou x

I have been posting everywhere else because things have been increasingly easier as the days go by.  Day 24 today - which only seems relevant because the last 3 nights have been filled with very strange and vivid dreams - almost no sleep the first of these nights - more the next two but not restful - waking up feeling emotionally exhausted for dreams that seem more like 'experiences' than dreams.  I have to wonder if I have done something or reached a point in my detox where my body chemistry is readjusting itself more profoundly.  I though I knew what vivid dreams were until I really experienced them these past 3 nights.  If you have any

insights, I would appreciate it.   Certainly nothing that would provoke me back to pot. ..that's just not going to happen.

Thank you all for your kind wishes and support - I honestly believe that you are the reason I've made it this far.   I had almost given up.

Grandma

It's amazing that no matter how careful I am, and how much a proofread, my post always seem to appear incoherent and

filled with grammer and typing errors.  My keyboard must still be stoned!  I hope some of you can read past all that and make

some sense of things I post.  Perhaps my fingers and brain are still not quite connecting.

hi grandmar,

thankyou you so much for your support.

nice to know you have been through  similar experiences..

gave me great comfort..

also to know that things do get easier as the days go by..

you have done amazing to get to day 24!

It made me laugh to read you keyboard must be still stoned..

thanks again for your support..

loux

Awww grandma, sorry to hear about your disruptions ! I will pray things settle down for you !  I feel like absolute shit at the moment too , having probs breathing , don't think it's associated with my quit though , although a bit of it might be , but Its not the normal chestyness i get when quitting - it's a million times worse !

Hope you dream sweet tonight, no more bad dreams ! I'll do my good dream dance for you :-))

Big Kisses .

Fake Cat xx

Hi Grandma

Thank you for kind words and support you have given me over the last few days,  they are very much appreciated. They always make me feel a bit more determined to succeed, especially as you are a bit furthur down the road to recovery.

I wish you were my real grandma, lol. Maybe I would not have made so many wrong decisions.

I hope you are fine and your daughter is doing better.

Best Wishes

Lee

hi grandma,

thankyou so much,for being there.!!

your words have given me great comfort... made me feel that im not  alone...

great strengh to beat this!!

i hope you and your family are all ok..

much love

lou x

Forgive me if I write to you all here - I have to leave Phoenix tomorrow and go home.  My heart is so torn - I'm overwhelmed with all the things I want to do with and for my daughter and her husband before I leave here.  She has been in slow but steady decline in the year since her heart attack.  She was born with a heart defect that, though repaired has caused damage to her lungs.  A transplant of both organs is the option we are trying to avoid or at least delay, but other options are failing us.  I think most of you know this sense of helplessness at watching someone you love suffer.   She lives so far away because of her husbands work - and the excellent health care available to her here.  People come from all over the country to visit the Mayo Clinic - which is the premiere state-of-the art medical facility in this country. 

The saving grace for me, since quitting cannabis, is that I now know I can get on an airplane and be here for her in a couple of hours.  I feel some humiliation at admitting that I couldn't do that (without creating incredible stress for myself) until a month ago.   I'm having a really hard time expressing to all of you how much that means.  I think I've mentioned that I've DRIVEN here at least 5 times (over 2,000 miles round trip) over the past year rather than leave my stash at home and go through this without it.   This trip has been so different and so, so GOOD.  I've been able to be totally 'present' for her and focus only on her needs - to laugh and cry and pray with her through some incredibly difficult moments - and I just feel so 'blessed'.  

LeeT., Lou, James, CAT - You ARE my family  - you've given me back my life.  I laugh to remember how frightened I was when I came to this site the first time - at sharing this deeply personal problem with 'strangers'.   Without knowing you are 'here' for me - I would be frightened to death to go back home to my usual surroundings - knowing that I would only have to ask and there would be pot and a pipe waiting for me.  I don't want that for myself anymore - I don't want it for any of us.  I hope the clarity of all of this stays with me. 

You've made this possible - coming here has made all the difference.  Thank you just isn't enough. 

LOVE and HUGS across the miles - I may be away for a couple of days, but I carry each of your hearts with me.

Grandma

-Goodl uck grandma , and remember , now you're only just a small stress free plane ride away from her ,  not a 2000 mile drive !

So really it's only like going back down the road , you can be back there at the drop of a hat.

Love to you and yours.

CAT

My heart goes out to you Grandma. 

Words cannot express the pain people feel, when they see a beloved suffer.

Love and Best wishes to you and your family.

Lee.T xx

Oh my goodness - what's a granny to do.  I'm away for a day and you all disappear!!!!! Is everyone alright???  I'm  a day  in Utah before heading Oregon -  (long story  - I'm torn between several places right now). - so I will try to catch up with each of you.  Perhpas the thing I appreciate most about the UK is that you would have to drive from the southern tip of Cornwall to the the northern most reaches of Scotland to drive or fly as far as it is for me to get back and forth between my children here.  And I'm feeling very tired.

For my part, the respite in Phoenix was helpful in greatlywith  my quit - so going back to places that I have only known 'under the influence' presents some anxiety.  My dream last night was vivid and disturbing as it involved a giant relapse - the 'smoking' dream - accompanied by horrific night sweat.   If anything, the emotions experienced in the dream (I hope some of you relate to that kind of emotional dream - it seems more an experience than a dream) helped to reinforce how awful I would feel if I started again.   Oregon is harder than here.  But I'm 4 weeks clean today. 

Thank you for all the thoughts for my daughter in Phoenix - she's a tiny little angel who has been trapped in a defective body, but her strength of spirit is enormous and strong.  I have shared your posts, and my journey with her and it has strengthened us both.  

Love to all of you,

Grandma

(on the road tomorrow, driving from here to Oregon - another 1,000 miles.  But I will check in as soon as I get there - please take care of each other!!!!)