Benefits of quitting cannabis

i am posting here because i feel it will do me some good to actually write out the anticpated benefits too, as and when they start happening i will update here and check them off the list , if new ones arrise that I aint mentioned, I will also update with those . Focussing on the benefits it's a great idea to keep my motivation so here goes .

More enegery , lots lots lots more enegery compared to being lethargic and stoned all day in and all day out .

World, people , me , things around me are all more real, more solid, more clear. This one is a hard one for me to explain, but constant cannabis smoking , somehow makes everything foggy , and not so real, like it doesn't matter if im there or not , when im stoned ive almost stepped out the circle, and am simply looking in, when im stoned, i can't find the clartity to explain things I want to explain, or to convey how im feeling when I need to , but to counteract this, when im stoned, that factor doesn't matter, because in stoned land, im quite comfortable with being misunderstood, or with being 'invisible '

When Im stoned I find myself ugly, I don't take care of how I look, what I eat and wear etc , I don't seem to care much , even though i know fine well plenty of people find this behaviour extremely weird, i just toke up and don't think about it , when im sober , even if for a few hours , ( like today ) , relefecting on this behaviour makes me sad and dissappointed in myself, with a clear head I care much about how i appear to other people, and i keep myself in good shape, well dressed and clean .  

When im stoned, I eat so much shit, and i mean a lot , i basically sit and throw things down my neck , im living about 3 stone over my ideal weight as a result of eating things with the stoned munchies, I feel like i no longer taste food, to my stoned head it almost seems like the fattier a\nd worse for me the food, then the better it goes down , if its something healthy I tend to avoid it , the polar opposite to how I act and eat when im not smoking weed, where i prepare all my food from start , and take a delight in not only eating healthy, but also in the preparation for both myself and others, something i would never bebothered to do stoned, the closest i get to providing food for my stoned hosts , is to call for a pizzza.

Less money - I spent and spend all my money on weed, there was a period i stopped smoking for 3 months at the back of last year and I had so much money , all the time , i treated my mom and family to things and had such a good time and good life, looking back when i think about it , i see it as a prize i had won , or some luck that came my way , it sickens me when i thinhk all that actually was, was me stopping smoking cannabis .  Just stopping gave me all that extra freedom space and money ,. When my mom talks to me about that period , which she sometimes does, i feel so guilty, like a gun has fired in my heart , she says things like 'it was fun in last august ,. business was really doing well for you huh '

and i think to myself, no mother' , it was not doing any different to normal, but i had stopped doping myself up to the eye balls, and had some money left to share with you .  

Thinking about those times makes me disgusted that i've wasted so much with smoking .

Another thing she said to trigger the guilt receptors was not that long ago , i went to see her after id been 3 months clean , during the 3 months id seen her more like 3 x a week and we had so much fun , the last time was after i had started smoking again , of course she didn't know . As the night came to a close she said 'well it was a nice night, but it didn't seem like we had the laugh we used to '

I can honestly say i nearly burst into tears, i knew deep down the only reason we didn't have the same laugh was because my mind was elsewhere, my mind was craving to get home and smoke up , and my poor mom had to notice this, and she did .

When I look at some of these HUGE differences between a stoned life and a sober life, I know I must  do this. I know this ime it has to be it , when I think about smoking, I have to think to my mother who I let down so much , think to my partner , and my sis who i had to borrow money from , even though financially i should be in a much better position than her , im not cos im a stoner loser. 

Im nearly in tears getting to the end of this, I don't like to think on how much my addiction effects my family, but I see it doesn , and a lot . My relationships with them are evaporating, i need to fix this, because behind the need to smoke, and the need to escape the misery i have inflicted on myself over the past decade, underneath it all, i crave normality back so strongly , i crave to be able to give to my family what they need. Im sick of my mother having to work so hard,when i know fine well i can do more to help her , and could make her life so much better if i didnt have my head in a stoned cloud all the time . I have to do this now, Im not stupid and i understand , one day it will be too late , i have theo opportunity to mend these things , and to make my family happy and proud, I can only stop hiding when i stop smoking .  It's hurting , a lot . ( psychologically the quit so far has been a lot worse than anything physical I've felt, which is short of none )

What I can say though , is even after writing all that , and making the benefits seem crystal clear, part of me still doesn't connect them directly with the pot smoking that got me here .  I have to keep reminding myself on them , I geuss the first few days will leave me a bit confused as to why Im actually getting rid of something I enjoy so much , well now all I have to do is check back here and realise how much in reality I don't enjoy it at all .

What an illusion,  Thanks to anyone reading.

I really can relate to what you write.  I wished I'd started reading these forums earlier, it really made me realise that the bad feelings I suffer and many of the set backs in my life were because of smoking, I have all too easily looked elsewhere for my answers.

Yet it is still hard to really, truly accept the depth of the problem and to take steps against it.

That was more heartfelt then i was able to do on here. Well Done. I know me and James have been on here in the daytime desperate for something to read or reply to, as a distraction and a focus. this heartfelt post just did both for me. I wasnt able to be that honest about how others are affected by my smoking. Il save that for when I really need a kick up the arse! I wish i could say there is tons of help out there. But there isnt. I really wish you luck with this. No-one wants to feel like the source of anothers pain. Probably all of us on here are. x

haha, funny you should just reply to my comment here James, at the same time I was reading your story , and responding on your post with how much I can relate and sympathise with your story :-)

We are literally in the same boat it seems, and there's too many people in it ! We better get out before it fu**ing sinks!

Cat x

Illma I just saw your response. I know what you mean , it's the hardest thing for me to face ( the pain Ive brought others ) I sometimes almost feel like I smoke to blot out the misery that I've brought on my smoking .

We;; it's almost half nine in the evening , and it is my day one . I am eager to find at least one benefit I have or am experiencing so far to post ,. I want to post new benefits everyday where possible, to move me forward.  It's hard right now to find any benefit of the quit, because I feel like such utter shit .

I feel alive, and although feeling alive doesn't feel very nice right now, and I'd rather feel dead , stoned and cushioned from this stress, feeling alive is real, and real is good !

So although it doesn't feel good, that is going to be my day one benefit . = A little more clarity in my mind .  I also feel more on the ball and alert , ( but all these benefits are only felt at the moment in a 'bad way ' , if that makes sense )

In days to come, I know the 'bad' part to them will get better , I will post more tomorrow .

CAT x