Benefits of quitting cannabis

This time is different.  Before I thought I should just cut down, I didn't have any problem other than smoking too much, but that is a lie, I am addicted

Sometime in 1997 I had my first joint.  By 1998 Iwas smoking regulary, by the end of that year I believe that I was addicted, and for the first time I suspected it was doing me harm.  But I did not stop, I managed to suppress those fears and convince myself that it helped me.  I did enjoy good times while stoned and it did seem to alleviate some of the depression and anxiety I felt and so my social activities became structured around smoking and it became an entrenched part of my life.

For the following ten years it has dominated my life.  Since 2003 I have known that I was addicted, but I have denied and denied it over and over again.  I have made attempts to quit and although I have at times been clean for months, this is no testament to will power, but to the difficulty in acquiring weed in my part of the world.

What is different this time is that I accept the truth of my situation -that I am a drug addict.  It is all too easy to deny this - surely drug addicts are pale, emaciated individuals, their arms peppered with needle marks, their time spent lying, stealing and cheating to gettheir drugs to shoot up or smoke or snort.  How can I be like these people?

But I am, it has done enormous harm to me and my life.  What I can now admit to myself is that if I do not rid myself of this habit then I may as well just give up now and resign myself to a future in which I will never have a decent job, that I will never have a home of my own, that I will never build a healthy relationship, that my health will decline, that I will never be happy.

I see it as clearly as I see my computer monitor in front of me, if I do not quit it will kill me.  Not directly, but it will drive me to suicide.  It might take ten years,maybe even twenty, but I know how this will end.

So I have decided to take control and quit.  Today is Day Zero, I will smoke tonight but tommorow is Day One of a new life.  I will return toadd more details to my story.

James, welcome.  As I have said here before, this kind of feels like the blind leading the blind - but I've found a good deal of support here and feel it has contributed to my success so far. 

Our time frame is about the same - I started in 1998 as well - at the age of 50!  It took me a long time to admit that I was addicted - but it is what it is.  I'm on day 7 today and feeling like crap - really the worst day so far.  But I know it will pass and I REFUSE to start over again.   This time felt different for me, as well.   We are all such unique people, and yet it seems the story of what weed has done to our lives is so similar.   I wish you all the best today.  I know it can be done.  

Keep posting, please. 

Hi James and welcome , I've sorted the post for you there.

Good luck with your quit , please keep us updated .

Bruno

givingupcannabis.com

One of the things that really helped convince me that I was an addict was answering yes to 22 of the 29 questions in an article in Narcotics Anonymous called  "Am I an Addict?".

If in doubt, check it out at:

http://www.na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/litfiles/us_english/IP/EN3107.pdf

I have recently been re-reading a journal I have been writing since 2002, in June that year I wrote these words:

    “I’ve got to sort my life out and that’s not something I can do while drugged up”

Through all the following years, time and time again I would write similar comments, and yet it is only now that I admit what has been so blindly obvious for all this time, that I am an addict and it is harmful to me, somehow I managed to ignore it despite the fact it was down in print and written by me!

Today is still Day Zero.  I;m still smoking but I felt that it would be useful to write about some of the reasons why I must quit for when my resolve weakens, so I am going to do that tomorrow.

Best wishes to all those who have got further than just thinking about quitting.  I hope you're doing well.

In what is probably a totally predictable response I have found that since acknowledging my addiction and the problems it has caused I have actually upped my weed consumption.

It feels like a mixture of self-indulgant "this will be the last time so make the most of it" impulses, and probably a self-destructive drive to get so stoned that I forget about quitting!

This is a long post but I thought I should clarify my problems and reasons for quitting. There is no doubt much more that I can write:

Fundamentally my main problems with Cannabis are how it undermines me to the extent that I do nothing with my life.  I don’t think it actually triggers mental health problems in me; it just makes existing problems far worse.

It makes me feel bad so that all my problems come to seem so overwhelming that I begin to believe that I can do nothing about them, it gives me manic, obsessive thoughts of failure and disaster and hopelessness.  Sometimes I even get horrible and violent thoughts which I find disturbing yet hard to control.  The world seems worthless, that there is nothing worth striving for, I loose all optimism and hope for the future.  It seems futile.  I become depressed and angry and obsessively and constantly think about suicide.  I become apathetic and unmotivated, time slips by, money drains away as I donothing.  I do not face my problems.

So many things have gone wrong with my life.  But each time rather than facing up to problems and fixing them I have attempted to escape by smoking.  I do not deal with them and move on.  This creates a vicious circle – I experience difficulties and problems, so I get depressed and anxious, so I smoke to escape them, so I don’t face the problems and fix them, so I get more depressed and it gets harder and harder to pull myself out of the downward spiral.  Because of this I spent the whole of 1999 and 2000 unemployed and inactive.

I left university in May, since then I have done little but smoke.  I know that if Ido not face this problem then this will continue.  It is the way in which it undermines my progress which is the most damaging thing, but also other problems:

Cannabis makes social relationships very difficult.  When depressed I don’t feel very communicative anyway, but with my mind filled with negative thoughts I become almost hostile.  At my worst I give off a negative vibe that brings others down, this is not paranoia, misery is infectious.  I cut myself off from others, on weekends I hope my friends will not call so I can stay in to watch TV and smoke.  I will loose them eventually.  This anti-social urge has damaged my relationships with my family. My mantra becomes “just leave me alone” and I suffer from terrible spirit crushing loneliness.

I get paranoid about other people – are they judging me?  Are they laughing at me?  When I go out all I see are unfriendly faces.  Sometimes I feel up and have real manic days, I behave compulsively, sometimes I don’t seem to have control over my behaviour and this can result in me upsetting others or looking like a fool.  I think that sometimes I behave very strange and eccentrically, that this odd behaviour inevitably makes people distance themselves from me.  The irony here is that since I am constantly paranoid around others maybe this is a delusion, perhaps no one actually thinks that of me.  In the evenings I obsessively reflect on my activities of the day and cringe and feel terrible about all the things that Ifeel I did wrong, which inevitably is almost everything.

Cannabis is damaging my health.  During a period of forced abstinence (there was no supply) I lost 35 pounds, I was fitter than I have been in years.  Since I have started smoking heavily again Iam putting that weight back on.  I feel pains throughout my body which become worse when I am stoned.  I sleep eight hours a night, but wake feeling tired and in pain.  I have no energy and feel weak and easily get fatigued.  I get heart palpitations.  At the end of the day, weakened and short of breath, I look at myself in the bathroom mirror - I am pale, with red eyes, bad skin, bags under my eyes and looking much older than my true age.  This is from the drug, but also the unhealthy lifestyle that accompanies it.

Cannabis makes me sexually dysfunctional,and as this is combined with crippled social skills and a reclusive lifestyle I am almost 32 and I have never had a relationship, just a handful of sexual experiences with unsuitable partners.  I am sterile.  There is a good chance that cannabis has caused this.

Cannabis interferes with my recovery from other health problems.  I have epilepsy and another health problem for which I am receiving treatment.  I underwent seven hours of major surgery just eight weeks ago and I have no idea how this surgery and the other treatments has effected me, I don't even know for sure whether it has made me better or worse.  I constantly obsess over this question but I am always aware that I can never answer it unless I quit smoking.  The irony is that I believe,and have evidence that these treatments would have a huge beneficial effect on my life if only I could just stop smoking.

Cannabis use has prevented me from ever holding down a decent job.  I have gaps in my work history that last literally years. When I was in full time work I would smoke in the evenings and feel ok,but the next day I could barely function. I would be depressed, angry and introverted.  I am an intelligent individual, yet I barely managed to keep what was a very basic, unskilled job.  I am fortunate that my employer at the time was so understanding about my mental health problems (they knew nothing aboutmy drug use), almost any other employer would have fired me, and I would not blame them.

Cannabis addiction has led me to persuade a friend to start growing.  Although he did not take much persuading, it was me who was the driving force in doing it.  If he gets caught his career is ruined, and it would all be my fault.  The additional problem here is that I now have access to a high quality, cheap, and almost unlimited supply.

Cannabis leaves me emotionally unbalanced, yet somehow at the same time my emotional reactions are dulled.  It causes me memory problems and reduces my concentration - when watching TV, reading or trying to work, my attention is constantly drifting.  The effects spillover into the next day when I feel irritable and somehow detached from theworld around me.

So what am I going to do about it?  Quitting is essential.  I should drop it and never smoke ever again.  I need to work out a plan and actually take action.  I have been focusing on what the problem is and what it does to me.  But now I have to take action.  I will, very soon, I promise myself.

rather than promising yourself- nIl do it soon. Do something today. The next J you roll. Don't smoke it right away. Tell yourself Il have it in half hour. It wont change your life, but it may give you back a feeling of some control. Looking at EVEYTHING thats wrong  very often has a negative effect on your self esteem. Leading to a sense of Cant win wont try. So ignore the HUGE and take back the tiny victories you can. Start picking your battles. Tell yourself today I will smoke x amount of spliff. Dont make x a tiny number at first. Estimate how many you smoke in a day and tell yourself tomorrow I will smoke that much and no more. Also ready rolling a number for the whole day helped me to pace myself over the last few weeks. Give yourself a break here you have a whole world of stress to deal with. Avoid setting yourself unreachable targets.  But do something today as when you are successful at it, it will give you a much needed boost. You can only fail if you set the bar too high. Dont. Bring the bar down to your level. Tell yourself that by this time next week you will have stopped smoking 1 or 2 of your daily joints. Its better to have many tiny successes than a few huge failures. 

I can see what you mean about the problems of looking at everything, and ignoring the huge subjects, but to be honest this problem has become so integrated into my life that there is few areas of my life that it does not impact.  In some ways I must write out everything that is wrong, as the means of reminding myself and not get distracted.

I do find the idea of cutting down appealing, but the problem is I have tried it before and so far I have found it won't work for me.  As smoking diminishes my self-control, smoking anything always leads me to smoke more.

Whenever I have cut down before when there was the slightest distraction or excuse I was right back into, worse than ever.

So I guess it really should be all or nothing.  I may well find this impossible, but it's how I'm going to have to start.  If it doesn't work out I will try an alternative.  Seriously, my life is so screwed up at the moment that I really have to quit NOW before things get any worse.

Start telling yourself you have started quitting then. As you have. Admission and understanding really are essential parts of the quit. it took a long time for things to get as they are. Its too much to say on x date EVERYTHING must change.  but maybe give yourself  a date when you will stop being a hopeless smoker and start being a struggling trying to quitter! So much depends on your attitude towards it. I talked myself out of quitting so many times before using the Homer line of 'cant win dont try'. A pessimist would see me as having failed at my quit before its started. I dont. I see this as an ongoing process with tiny lil victories every day. For me the turning point was when a friend turned up just as i had rolled up. The cow stayed for a whole hour and the j was down the sofa. But when she had gone I realised that none of the badness my brain tells me is en-route, had hit me in that hour. Sound so simple, but it was the first time I felt like I had any control over my dope instead of vice versa. Obviously I celebrated by smoking the j. But that was a month ago and it has had a knock on effect. But it has all been TINY (Teensy tiny) lil steps. The last fortnight I decided I would eat BEFORE the first j. It became a habit in under 4 days! And im still dead proud of that! In truth that first j was the easiest to kill off. But I didnt plan to kill it off. The plan was to delay it until I had eaten. If only the rest of the day was that simple!

As for HUGE I had a breakdown that led to me signing a residency order for my daughter. Who is utterly miserable living with my step mum. who refuses to allow her back. Not because of my cannabis use. She uses it herself. She refuses to accept I have recovered and more crucially She also feels my daughter is as good as hers. But if I allow myself to see the big picture, in the not too distant future i am going to legal battle with my dad and his wife.I have longed for a relationship with my dad since coming out if care at age 10.HIS weed use stopped any relationship forming.  have no excuses for MY use. But if i think about it I just wanna smoke. So in a way I am having to stay blinkered to the 'entirety'. Again this realisation came after the cut down. Mentally it was the best decision I ever made. Now i only see the struggles of this hour. And oddly my brain seems to be appreciative of the break. Ive got a clarity I never dreamed possible. and Ive stopped obsessing. Which is souldestroying at the best of times.

Whenever i think of my lil one the self loathing hits. These tend to be followed by relapses. Its not easy to know that about yourself.  She Needs me. But for that to be fair I have to need me too. At this moment that need is 50/50 with the wanting of dope. I have become addicted and in doing so let everybody down. Right now I cant be concerned with that. Sounds selfish I know. But everyone in my life deserves better than me stoned. I do see that now. It sounds like you ARE at rock bottom, you sound terrified of starting this. But you want it .  There are millions of smokers screwing up their lives right now in complete denial. You have put a pause on your life to take stock. Your already starting. The only 1 who can talk you out of quitting is you.

i will also let u in on my secret I have a new blog. Solely for weed rantings!!! sound silly but just furiously typing EVERYTHING out is so therapeutic. Get yourself to blogger or wordpress association blogs. And set one up. EVERYONE DO THIS!

Yes, I have started quitting, it was a huge first step just to admitthat I am an addict and that it's seriously bad for me.  I've got lotsof things to be fixing in my life and all too often I worry about themall at the same time and then it seems overwhelming.

Formy own good I do need to try and forget about these other things for awhile, they can wait while I tackle this one big problem.

Thisis my first plan.  I have rolled a few for tonight, and I have stashedeverything else well out of reach, in the hope that if I weaken thenduring the time and effort it'll take to access it I might be able tostop myself from talking me out of quitting.

AllI am asking of myself this time is 48 hours without smoking.  If I canmanage that then it'll be an achievement in itself, a good first step,and maybe I might be able to stop myself from going to get it.

all your asking of yourself is that you dont smoke any more than you have rolled. That is more than enough for day 1 of not being a hopeless smoker!

Yeah, you're right.  I hope you're doing ok.

i think im a bit ahead of you in the mind set. But trust me finding this site has helped so much. Honestly its something 'nearly 'normal to do. But if my connection goes down i think i will go backwards very quickly. Yes my resolve is that fragile!

James, Keep it up ,  I am in exactly the same boat as you , I have read your story closely and can sympathise with is almost word for word, except for the fact you are male and Im fem .

You need to get past the first hurdle, and get the first day or 2 under your belt, it hurts mentally , but physically it's more than possible .  I have only started today , after a decade of ruining my life through not smoking .

I look around me at other successful people and wonder how they have ended up where they have , ( thick people ) and I have somehow ended up here.

I see people I consider losers who don't smoke at all, and deep down feel like a hypocrite, because the fact I have the ability to do more in reality means nothing, the fact they are using their lesser ability to it's full means shows they have acchieved far more than pot will ever let me acchieve .

Right now I do not feel good, its 6pm , i slept most of the day , and have no idea how I will sleep tonight . I have not acchieved much so far because I wouldn't have smoked that much before now. It would be about now I would be lighting up a smoke and wasting the rest of the night . What will I do instead? Instead I will waste the night exactly the same, the only difference is , I will feel miserable as I do it .

It feels to me like I have to smoke to sort my thoughts on ... ON THE QUIT PROCESS!  note the irony , it's not rational, it's not even close to sanity !

James I hope more than anyones story on here that I've followed, that You for one , do keep returning , and do win this fight . It's obvious your potential is huge and your life is being crushed by this addiction .

I know you know what you have to do to make things better, I know what I have to do to make things better too , one word ... STOP .

Right now that doesn't seem easy , to be hoenst the only times it does see easy are when I'm stonned and vowwing that I will give up in the morning and that I don't need it anymore .   Again very dillusional thought process.

Keep coming back , keep trying at day one , one of the times you're going to get it , and there'll be no looking back , keep a it , there's nothing to lose once we've reached rock bottom , and by the sounds of it , we are getting there !

Warm wishes on your quit, and I for one will be closely following .

Cat

Good morning all, I hope that everyone is doing well and no one has quit quitting.

Thank you for your kind words doneForever.

I know what you mean about the people we look down on, yet are inferior to in our lack of sucess.  I have a somewhat arrogant, yet still justifiable, faith in my qualities and abilities.  Yet, as you say, it all amounts to nothing if I do nothing.

Actually, it is at that point that my potential comes to be my enemy. There is this constant nagging feeling that I could and should be doing more, that I short change myself everyday.  It was a cause to get more depressed and retreat yet further, but I can turn it around as another benefit to be looked forward to.

So today is the start of day one.  Although this would have changed for the worse eventually, I am fortunate in that I hadn't yet got back into the habit of smoking before the evening, although I usually did on weekends.  So I shoudn't have too many problems during the day.

But it'll get more difficult later.  I'm not looking forward to trying to sleep tonight and I think I will probably have a few vodkas.  I know it's not good to replace one narcotic with another, but I hope not to over do it, or let the habit get entrenched.

Last night I did just smoke the few I had ready rolled before placing the rest of it well out of reach.  Actually I did feel that I did not want it, so psychologically I seem to be moving in the right direction.

I have throughly searched the house for any small bits of weed or anything vaguely smokable that might have been overlooked (except for tobacco, one thing at a time...).

When I am cut off from a supply I know from past experience what I am like.  I will frantically search through anything and anywhere where there might possibly be just a scrap of something that I can smoke to get high.

It disgusts me now to think of it, and disgusts me when I do it, but many, many times previously I would end up going through the bins, salvaging any old joint butts, tearing them apart to find the tiniest scraps of remaining weed in them.

At such times my self-respect is low, stinking like an ashtray with tar stained fingers I smoke this harsh, 2nd hand tobacco (probably with only the tiniest specks of weed or hash in it, barely enough to produce any high) - burning my throat and making me feel nauseous.

I scrape the tiniest pieces off weed-grinders, find the dust on the bottom of my tin, search through draws, cupboards, anywhere where I might have left just a tiny bit.  One time I actually tore the bottom off my sofa, in the hope that just the tiniest bit had fallen through the cushions.

I should have seen that as a warning sign really.

I'd also feel desperate to go see friends, not of course because I crave their company at the time, but because I might be able to get a smoke off them, cadge just a tiny bit or sometimes even steal it from them.

Should they contact me, I'm in two minds whether to go out.  They're no longer hardened stoners, so it wouldn't be an integral part of a visit, but the temptation would be there.  But on the other hand it might be a good idea to get out the house.  Plus I haven't seen them for a while, and now is the time to be rebuilding neglected friendships.

Keep at it guys!

Has anyone out there ever smoked Rocky?

For those who don't know, Rocky, or 'soapbar' is one of the most commonly smoked and crappiest stuff widely available in the UK.  As it's name suggests, it is rock hard and resembles a broken piece of earthenware pottery.

In the words of Goldie Lookin' Chain, it does seem to be made of "diesel and tyres".  It's harsh, the 'high' is incapacitating and not much more, more of a 'low' than anything else.  It is the most processed sh@t you can possibly imagine, I have read that only 20% of it is actually psycho-active THC, the rest is just chemicals and god knows what else.

Smoke too much of it, and you end up feeling like you've been forced to swallow a pineapple.  I smoked that for years and whenever no weed was available.

I've also smoked what someone claimed was weed, but looked like partially decomposed lawn clippings.  Has anyone else got any stories about the worse more disgusting stuff they've ever smoked?

Isn't it ironic that after all those years of smoking that crap, it is now, when I finally get access to some really good stuff that I finally admit it is time to quit!?!?

Today is the begining of Day Two.

Yesterday wasn't too bad.  I felt rather irritable and anxious, and easily annoyed.  A friend called so I was out for most of the evening.  I could have smoked down there, but I didn't.

I had a few vodkas and a beer to help me sleep, I  managed it, but woke in the early hours after a nasty nightmare, the first dream I can remember in ages.

This morning I seem to feel less groggy and grouchy than before, but still tense and irritable.  But overall I'm ok.

I hope all others who are attempting to quit are doing well.

James at 07:28AM on Sep 30, 2009

This is a long post but I thought I should clarify my problems and reasons for quitting. There is no doubt much more that I can write:

 

Fundamentally my main problems with Cannabis are how it undermines me to the extent that I do nothing with my life.  I don’t think it actually triggers mental health problems in me; it just makes existing problems far worse.

 

It makes me feel bad so that all my problems come to seem so overwhelming that I begin to believe that I can do nothing about them, it gives me manic, obsessive thoughts of failure and disaster and hopelessness.  Sometimes I even get horrible and violent thoughts which I find disturbing yet hard to control.  The world seems worthless, that there is nothing worth striving for, I loose all optimism and hope for the future.  It seems futile.  I become depressed and angry and obsessively and constantly think about suicide.  I become apathetic and unmotivated, time slips by, money drains away as I donothing.  I do not face my problems.

 

So many things have gone wrong with my life.  But each time rather than facing up to problems and fixing them I have attempted to escape by smoking.  I do not deal with them and move on.  This creates a vicious circle – I experience difficulties and problems, so I get depressed and anxious, so I smoke to escape them, so I don’t face the problems and fix them, so I get more depressed and it gets harder and harder to pull myself out of the downward spiral.  Because of this I spent the whole of 1999 and 2000 unemployed and inactive.

 

I left university in May, since then I have done little but smoke.  I know that if Ido not face this problem then this will continue.  It is the way in which it undermines my progress which is the most damaging thing, but also other problems:

 

Cannabis makes social relationships very difficult.  When depressed I don’t feel very communicative anyway, but with my mind filled with negative thoughts I become almost hostile.  At my worst I give off a negative vibe that brings others down, this is not paranoia, misery is infectious.  I cut myself off from others, on weekends I hope my friends will not call so I can stay in to watch TV and smoke.  I will loose them eventually.  This anti-social urge has damaged my relationships with my family. My mantra becomes “just leave me alone” and I suffer from terrible spirit crushing loneliness.

 

I get paranoid about other people – are they judging me?  Are they laughing at me?  When I go out all I see are unfriendly faces.  Sometimes I feel up and have real manic days, I behave compulsively, sometimes I don’t seem to have control over my behaviour and this can result in me upsetting others or looking like a fool.  I think that sometimes I behave very strange and eccentrically, that this odd behaviour inevitably makes people distance themselves from me.  The irony here is that since I am constantly paranoid around others maybe this is a delusion, perhaps no one actually thinks that of me.  In the evenings I obsessively reflect on my activities of the day and cringe and feel terrible about all the things that Ifeel I did wrong, which inevitably is almost everything.

 

Cannabis is damaging my health.  During a period of forced abstinence (there was no supply) I lost 35 pounds, I was fitter than I have been in years.  Since I have started smoking heavily again Iam putting that weight back on.  I feel pains throughout my body which become worse when I am stoned.  I sleep eight hours a night, but wake feeling tired and in pain.  I have no energy and feel weak and easily get fatigued.  I get heart palpitations.  At the end of the day, weakened and short of breath, I look at myself in the bathroom mirror - I am pale, with red eyes, bad skin, bags under my eyes and looking much older than my true age.  This is from the drug, but also the unhealthy lifestyle that accompanies it.

 

Cannabis makes me sexually dysfunctional,and as this is combined with crippled social skills and a reclusive lifestyle I am almost 32 and I have never had a relationship, just a handful of sexual experiences with unsuitable partners.  I am sterile.  There is a good chance that cannabis has caused this.

 

Cannabis interferes with my recovery from other health problems.  I have epilepsy and another health problem for which I am receiving treatment.  I underwent seven hours of major surgery just eight weeks ago and I have no idea how this surgery and the other treatments has effected me, I don't even know for sure whether it has made me better or worse.  I constantly obsess over this question but I am always aware that I can never answer it unless I quit smoking.  The irony is that I believe,and have evidence that these treatments would have a huge beneficial effect on my life if only I could just stop smoking.

 

Cannabis use has prevented me from ever holding down a decent job.  I have gaps in my work history that last literally years. When I was in full time work I would smoke in the evenings and feel ok,but the next day I could barely function. I would be depressed, angry and introverted.  I am an intelligent individual, yet I barely managed to keep what was a very basic, unskilled job.  I am fortunate that my employer at the time was so understanding about my mental health problems (they knew nothing aboutmy drug use), almost any other employer would have fired me, and I would not blame them.

 

Cannabis addiction has led me to persuade a friend to start growing.  Although he did not take much persuading, it was me who was the driving force in doing it.  If he gets caught his career is ruined, and it would all be my fault.  The additional problem here is that I now have access to a high quality, cheap, and almost unlimited supply.

 

Cannabis leaves me emotionally unbalanced, yet somehow at the same time my emotional reactions are dulled.  It causes me memory problems and reduces my concentration - when watching TV, reading or trying to work, my attention is constantly drifting.  The effects spillover into the next day when I feel irritable and somehow detached from theworld around me.

 

So what am I going to do about it?  Quitting is essential.  I should drop it and never smoke ever again.  I need to work out a plan and actually take action.  I have been focusing on what the problem is and what it does to me.  But now I have to take action.  I will, very soon, I promise myself.

 

" I will, very soon, I promise myself."

Doesn't  that sum up many years of your thinking?

Hello, I am new on this board. I actually started posting on the other similar forum and I will post my journal here as well. Posting on this board helps me avoid a relapse I feel.

Just so you know, I smoked pot heavily for about 5 years and in total have been smoking for about 10.  I do feel your pain, as many of the items you mention I felt exactly the same way. Emotinal instability, health issues, social deterioration, problems at work, etc etc.

I know what you're thinking and I know how difficult it can be. I have now been 1 week clean. Let me tell you something, it gets better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to do something to get there.

First thing you have to do (I know the rhetoric and theory are easy, it's the practice that's hard) but nonethless, however, cliche it is, what you need to do is QUIT NOW!

Don't plan your quitting, don't think about what will be the best time to quiet, don't rationalize any of that. I did it for almost 10 years. It does'nt work. If you decided to quit a week from now, you'll be an addict for 1 week longer, making it just a bit harder to quit.

If you had to quit 1 year after your habt, it would be easier, right? What about 5 years? 10 years? You see where im going with this, every day you smoke, makes it just a fraction harder to quit. Thas is the nasty side of any addiction.

Don't play mind tricks.  Don't think about what day of the week is best for quiting, just do it. In fact, maybe even do the opposite of what you think will be the best time to quit. In other words, you probably tried quitting in the past right? You relapsed, but you chose the best time to quit right? It didn't work, so try picking the 'worst' time to quit. It could work. How about today, after you reading this post just flush the weed you've got down the toilet.  I know it's painful, but being stoned for years is not any better. 

What I find helps me is writing a list of thigns you absolutely hate about weed. You've pretty much done that in your post already. So sum those tings up in a bullet point style and print it out. I best you if you think real hard, it'll be at least a page long. Make it small font and put that list in your wallet.  At the end of it, write "I will not smoke pot today, no matter what!" and sign it.

Every time you feel weak, take that paper out. Before calling your dealer, wait 10 minutes and just stare at the things you wrote. There is a very strong chance, after that 10 minutes go by, your thoughts of getting weed will subside. The paintful memories of what you have on that list will become vivid. This will mitigate your thoughts of getting pot again. 

Stay strong and you can do it. Humans are capable of climbing mountains of immense height, running marathons in amazing speed, and all kinds of miraculous achievements. Yours is no different, believe in yourself and you can do it. If you are feeling weak, you can always post on this board for support.

Hello Infinity99,

I am already doing much of what you suggest.  While considering my options, reading many posts like yours was very useful.

I've written loads of stuff on the bad things it does to me and I have found that this has helped me take a major step forward - by reaffirming these problems over and over again, it seems to have caused a very real psychological change in me, altering my attitude towards it.

To anyone out there who is thinking of quitting, I feel this is an essential step.  But you have to be 100% honest with yourself.

Today is Day Three of my Big Quit.  I really hope this won't annoy those who are suffering, but so far I have found it to actually be easier than I expected.  This is probably because, although in the past I have smoked very heavily, this time by recognising these problems before they get out of hand I think I have 'nipped it in the bud' before it gets really bad again.

I have been feeling irritable and easily annoyed, but that is about all.  I have had a bit of alcohol, but not enough to drug myself up anyway near the extent I was doing on the weed.

I hope this continues.  I know it'll probably be more of a problem when I have to finally face up to building a life, something I have avoided doing for a long time.

I hope you continue to be succesful, and the lack of posts from other members aren't signs that they are giving up quitting.  If you slip, that's no reason to conclude this problem is unfixable, keep trying.