Benefits of quitting cannabis

In the same boat as everyone else it seems. Im due to try again from monday. Have failed so many times before that im not expecting a success this time. Although that translates as 'im terrified dont expect too much'. Its the boredom that gets me.  But Ive been living this life since i was 14 and its also boring the hell outta me.  

Tomorrow will be spent trying to 'prepare', how the fuck im meant to prepare is still beyond me. Im foolowing the no smoke route. So ashtrays and lighters must go and I must also search the flat for any rizla cig end etc. I must do this as i know that I will be tempted to scrabble down the back of sofas when the bad times hit. Last time I didnt do this. Im hopeful that if I remove the means to smoke it will be a last line of defense,  It may also stop me behaving like such a scraggy mare.  The plan included cutting down before the big Q. Hasnt worked out like that.. 

I think it's probably Monday where you are - and I hope you are having a good day.  It did help me to slow down the week before - then I HAD to get rid of EVERYTHING.   Of course I'd done that a dozen times before only to go out the next day and buy everything again!   -it's a great cycle of failure and self-loathing.    YOU CAN DO IT.  Hell, if I can do it anyone can.  Truly.  Every other quit for me I've turned into such a bitch that my husband would go out and buy me a bag and insist that I smoke it.  I made everyone around me miserable.   I'm on day 6 now and am feeling very confident - mostly because I just won't put myself through this again.  

Let me know how it goes - coming here has been a huge incentive for me -  as Lee mentioned in another post - it would be good to have a someone who really knows what they're talking about (on regards to recovery) - until that happens, we just have to keep holding each other up.  I'll be here every day for at least the next month.   I hope you will be too.

well I made it to 7pm. Then stupidly went to see my bf. The offending J was passed to me and I took it without even realising. I stayed for another 1. But the 1 i bought back home is still sat next to me this afternoon. Ive found the cravings last ten-fifteen minutes. Now I have my head around that I feel a damn sight more positive.

Less positive is the realisation that I can't continue my relationship of 5 years, And I probably don't have the stones to finish it. But maybe after being off the weed for a bit that will change. After last night I can see that without the smoke, we have nothing in common. Except 5 years of history. Which does count even though I wish it didn't.

It may seem a cop out but I have stopped the 'I wont smoke today' thinking. Im no good at it, the panic sets in. I know this is my head tricking me.  But Ive altered it to I will not smoke more than 1 joint today.

I decided this last night, I have not started the ready rolled j. This really is progress for me. By now I would usually be onto the 6th or 7th j. Instead I haven't smoked a thing.(bar the half a pack of tobacco) but I also dont feel like Im depriving myself anything.  Ive allowed myself to have the j later. And the truth is Im not even wanting it right now.

Maybe this will work for me, maybe not. But its working for today.

I probably spent the last year doing what your doing - smoking less, examining why and when I smoked.   I finally reached a point where it just felt 'right to stop and I'm on Day 8.    Be patient with yourself - sounds like you're making progress.   For me it's a process, not an instant thing, but I don't feel like turning back now - mostly because I never want to go through this again!   I'm glad you are still checking in. 

I think Grandma is onto something. There is a can't do mood everywhere today. Im here trying to think of stuff to type cuz if I don't I will smoke. Stupidly I can really feel the benefits of this attempted quit. (I have slipped up twice) but the way i felt the last two days, should be enough to keep me straight. Today its not. I feel tired, Despite having slept last night. Im aware of being irritable. Im by myself here so what is annoying me? I know I should eat, I have cupboards full of food. But no appetite for any of it. Worse every J i have smoked has made me feel guilty. I know that if I come across weed today I will not feel guilty I will feel entitled. Why? . I have so much to achieve and so little to gain from relapsing. If this is not an addictive substance How is this happening? How have I turned into my own worst enemy?. Im actually scared of leaving the house as I suspect I will go weed hunting. My sense of self loathing is set to high. Can this be as a result of the dramatic cut in weed consumption?. Whatever is happening its crap and has exceeded the 10-15 minute rule of cravings. Ive felt like this for over an hour and half.  OOh this site really is helping. I think Im typing myself out of it.  IM still telling myself One J a day no more than that. But now I know my really bad times are 17-1900 and after midnight I am in no hurry to go collect the J.(friend has my weed he lives a long walk away and will only give me the one j. every day). And why does this Maccy Ds craving keep rearing its ugly head Im not a huge McDonalds fan. ?????

Can this be as a result of the dramatic cut in weed consumption?

YES! its all the addiction and if u make it far enough u will realize it. stay strong! Also i didnt read if u were just cutting down or not, but from personal exp. this makes it worse. I end up binge smoking when i try to control it like that. If the weed doesnt leave ur system, u just end up feeding the monster. But if u wuit completely, eventually the cravings fade.

Today I will be smoking NO WEED I have tobacco and small rizlas and NO paraphernalia.(eek) No grinder to scrape and iv told bf that I will not see him today. Enough talk Im doing it. I actually feel almost angry with the last week, had i just quit I would be on day 4 now. But I now know the benefits will be present from the cut down. Ive got my head around the 15 minute cravings. And im not gonna let myself think about tonight till it happens. I owe this to my self. If my teenage self saw what Ive become she would pity me and then avoid me like the plague. So adult me should also try and avoid this sorry life. Cuz its a waste. Ive spent every day for years sat on my arse. Watching telly and forgetting what I watched. Its crap. I started a Law degree at sussex Uni in 2000 cannabis helped me have a full breakdown complete with hallucinations of my dead mum. I was incredibly lucky to get in due to my background and standard of education. I had a golden opportunity put in my lap. Biggest regret of my life. Cannabis was not the sole cause of the breakdown. But Ive stopped lying to myself. A fragile mind needs support and cannabis is NOT supportive. It just feels like it. Thats what comfortably numb does to you. Im done with it.

Hello Illma, I'm glad to hear you're still working towards the goal of a weed free life.  It ruined my first attempt at uni and seven years later it almost ruined my second attempt - it ended up taking four rather than three years and being a real hellish experience at times.

I'm trying to pluck up the courage to make today my last smoking day.  I'm unemployed and will be online all day.  Keep posting, there's always a chance I might have something useful to say.

I hope you have the best day you can, under the circumstances.

what do normal unemployed ppl do all day? the tv which has been my friend for the last few years is boring me to tears. My bedsit is clean. im clean I AM SO BORED!. Guess I should start putting a CV together. But really??? I haven't worked in years can i put "I was gonna get some work experience but then i got high?". Christ this is silly. i used to pretend to be sick to get time off school, I would stay in bed all day. Why cant i do that? Oh yeah in bed means smoking. I have made a rod for my own back here and now its biting me on the arse.

I wonder about that myself sometimes.  What do I do with my time?  I really don't know - read, write, randomly surf the net; somehow the time seems to slip by.  I've found it's important to get out the house, at least for a while, even if it's only a walk down to the shops to find something to eat.

I guess there are superbly proactive people out there who cram their days writing CVs, application letters, scouring the internet and calling companies, while doing some oh-so worthy volunteer work with orphans or old people or something.

I'm definitly not one of those people.  I have actually got a CV together, and I do spend time looking at the job listings on websites.  But I am just pretending to look for work really.  I found an ideal job just the other week (not that I would have got it) but 'somehow' managed to put off finishing my application, and then found the deadline had closed...

I doubt  I would have got it anyway, and I am certain that if I did, it wouldn't have lasted long.

ditto with the pretence of job seeking, but for me I still think If I phone they will be stifling titters and guffaws. I guess thats the weed tricking me into thinking Im not a valid human being yet. Well Im not I s'pose. Plus I am terrified of conversation! I have lost the ability to have 'smalltalk' as all I can come up with is a non commital grunt or an 'mm'. Hopefully that will change in time. Goodness all this paranoia has really stopped me in my tracks. I wimped out of booking a hair  appt this morning at the local college. If I go all day today without smoking I WILL phone them tomorrow.  Failing that i will go looking for kittens in trees to rescue

Ditto with the anticipated response from potential employers...

I have massive gaps in my work history, how do I explain them?  If I admit my drug problem, then I'll have no chance, if I tell them about my health problems, then I'll probably have no chance...  Even if I did manage to get into work, it'll be something totally unskilled and mind-numbing and I don't think it would last long.

Yet I also know that it is probably the weed that has made me think like that.  And even if I am as unemployable as I believe, I can't actually know for sure until I stop smoking and actually try and find a job.  I suspect that I'll find out that things aren't as bad as I think, as long as I stop smoking, so I am trying to avoid drawing any conclusions until then.

I've realised recently that since almost all my activities revolve around smoking, then I haven't got any small talk to make.  A close friend text me last night to ask what I've been up to.  I do kind of wish he hadn't, what was I supposed to say? the only honest answer would be "watching TV and smoking" and I felt too ashamed to say that.  I just sent back some kind of vague message that avoided the question and didn't reply anymore.

It's things like that which ensure I have few friends, and will probably loose the few that I have.

I HATE BEING ASJED WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO! I dread that question for years its been the same answer EVERY DAY. Sat on sofa hot drink in hand watching repeats(sometimes the same show repeated 3 times over the course of a day). I will have a wee several times and maybe have a poo. I take the dog out round the block. At night or in the early hours. What did i do the day before? same thing. And Last Tuesday? same thing. Its not funny but is laughable. My sorry excuse for a life. Heres your too much info Some days I dont eat So the poo is not a daily occurence!!I have poo on the mind bcause I have been 3 times in the last 2 days. Thats what eating will do for u, putting that online is what not smoking weed will do for u!

GIVE THE GIRL A SHINY STICKER ITS ONLY 1735!! Im not even aware of having had a craving in the last couple of hours! I would punch the air but I know the horrid 6pm-8pm bit is coming. But sod it so long as i keep typing furiously it will be ok. Then its the nasty Witching hour bit. oh dear my mood just dropped from thinking bout it so im gonna have another roll up. i dont want one. but I dont wanna be a gloomy gus either.One site I was one preached the four Ds Delay Distract Dont panic(De-catastrophise!) and Do something to relax you(De-stress) Cor once you get the hang of this mind control its bloody fantastic!

hows this for a mood swing. Just had a txt from bf telling me its there if i want it. I feel vile. Really hateful. REALLY WANNA SMOKE NOW. So im taking the dog for a walk in the other direction from his house. I was on top of the world half hour ago.

Don't worry, you'll get back on top of it.  Keep finding things todistract yourself with and I hope you and the dog have a good walk.

Illma , I know how you feel, one message from a bf offering weed, or a note from a neighbour on the block offering me their 'belta green ' can really throw me off course, I can go from being happy and confident in my quit , to feeling like I don't even wana quit anyway , secretly loathing the person who sent me the message , but at the same time recognising them as a life line to better times .

I have got rid of my mobile phone as of today ( I kid you not ) for the next 2 weeks I am going to be phoneless. I am going to throw myself fully into this quit , while putting as less of my mental energies into is as possible ( easier said than done I know )

well I hope right now you're out with your dog , and you return with a clear conscience.

By tonight , you will ressume your position on top of the world , if you DONT call bf back for a bag . Stay strong, remember how much of a stronger person you will feel tomorrow for not getting some tonight .  On the other hand , imagine how failed you will feel tomorrow if you do call bf back tonight .

You can do this , and I am following .

With Love.

CAT x

so i slept well from 9pm. slept late this morning. Woke up feeling like death. I guess this is the withdrawal that 'doesnt exist' acc to some experts. Well they can bite me. my throat is yuck Im not coughing but feel like i need to and its sore. I feel angry and unbearably short tempered and i think i have a headache hovering. Its not a headache yet. but its there. Its strengthened my resolve i think. I dont wanna go through this again. its really getting the point home to me. I have been ABUSING my body and it needs to recover. Its weird that it feels I havent smoked in days In truth yesterday was the first weed free. That 1 j a day thing clearly wasn't enough. I have a complete sense of total fuc***g apathy.  Its sad cuz yesterday I felt so good for the most part. Still its a process with ups and downs. And every down i get through gets me closer to the ups i s'pose. Doubt il do much today except sit and feel sorry for myself. Il check in later may be feeling less monstrous then.

Glad to hear you're still sticking with it.  I'm sure there'll be ups and downs, but there's plenty to look forward to.  Freedom... Happiness... coherence... money...  Feeling like a real person, taking control of life...

so im sat smoking a butt jay after a weekend of puffing. I am so furious with myself as I know tomorrow may now be hell. There is no reason for me to have started again. It was just offered and i took it. Stupid as Ive done so well and my day to day existence has been so different since i quit. (it feels like ive been off it for ages). But right now it just feel like a failure, without wanting to be too dramatic. Im seriously regretting the last 2 days